tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10890885.post9214951501475730603..comments2023-10-20T09:43:39.318-04:00Comments on Frumpter: Fears of marriage falling apart -- after the Purim events.Zoe Strickmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07940789852735669214noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10890885.post-77516696797488860252008-06-23T14:39:00.000-04:002008-06-23T14:39:00.000-04:00Thank you for commenting. I'll be posting more so...Thank you for commenting. I'll be posting more soon.Zoe Strickmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07940789852735669214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10890885.post-12464725634994154552008-06-22T12:27:00.000-04:002008-06-22T12:27:00.000-04:00I spent all day yesterday reading your blog. I'm n...I spent all day yesterday reading your blog. I'm not really sure how I even found it, just followed a series of links and there it was. It captivated me.<BR/><BR/>I hope you guys are doing well, it sounds like you've had a great deal of changes and pressure, both of you. The first year of parenthood is not an easy thing, remember to cut each other some slack, okay?<BR/><BR/>Honestly, one thing that helped my husband and I was getting a cleaning person to come in once a month or so. It's hard when the petty details of life get overwhelming, and I can understand where both of you are coming from with that, but don't lose sight of the bigger picture. You guys are doing great.<BR/><BR/>~Goyishe momAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10890885.post-41973642984314651202008-03-24T18:44:00.000-04:002008-03-24T18:44:00.000-04:00She refused and said, "he wants to play with you -...She refused and said, "he wants to play with you -- let him until he's finished."<BR/><BR/>If you were doing that research *for her* then would it have hurt to put it off and play with the baby like she asked? You could have said "If I play with the baby, that means that I'm not working on getting us two cars-- which would you rather I do right now?" That would give her a measure of control and would probably have made her feel more appreciated/valued. It would have also driven home the point that you can't do *everything*-- she needs to decide what is more important to her right then-- your playing with your child or finding a solution to the car issue.<BR/><BR/>I'm not trying to pick on you, but from what you've posted-- the lack of communication goes both ways.<BR/><BR/>"When she went to feed him a few feet away from me, she was singing songs and was making loud noise and I couldn't focus so I took the computer into the bedroom."<BR/><BR/>I'm going to guess that she thought that you were mad at her and that's why you went into the bedroom (particularly since she thought you were "isolating" yourself). You could have said "I know you like singing to the baby, but if you want me to do this, I need to go into the bedroom where I can concentrate." Then she wouldn't have misunderstood your actions.<BR/><BR/>"Anyway, she just walked in with Slurpee, and she got me one too even though she is angry at me. Why did she get me a Slurpee? "<BR/>Maybe it was a peace offering?<BR/><BR/>Problems are almost never only one person's fault. If you're really worried about the marriage falling apart-- have you talked to her about marriage counseling? Your rav might be able to provide that.<BR/><BR/>But, even if you don't go that route, assumptions are deadly. One way to get a person to communicate better is to communicate everything to her-- over communicate-- explain why you're doing everything and, if it's something that you're doing for her, ask her what she wants at each decision point (such as play with baby/work on computer). If you're explaining everything to her, she just might fall into the same pattern and start explaining everything to you (which is what you want).<BR/><BR/>Best of luck!<BR/>AhuvaAhuvahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12313911386166259760noreply@blogger.com