Life as a baal teshuva Chassidic Jew who graduated from a secular law school, started a family which is now growing in complexity. Copyright 2015. All Rights Reserved.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Hey, out of curiosity, what should we look for in a marriage counselor? How much should they cost, etc.?
What are the pitfalls, the benefits, the costs?
Can anyone share any POSITIVE stories? I know the negative ones all lead to divorce.
It's not cheap at the point you are...friends in similar situations have shelled out $300-400 per hour for twice weekly sessions (one hour each) over 4 months and still sought divorce as the only way for each participant to be fairly served.
it only works, if both sides are willing to do and both sides are willing to give in to the other side....maybe a rabbi that both of you can agree on would do it for free
A rabbi would be a lot less expensive-- if not free-- but I suspect that this situation is beyond where a rabbi could help. Rabbis are great when two basically well-adjusted people with fair-to-good listening and communication skills just need a neutral third party to help them gain some perspective.
Zoe seems to be having a very hard time seeing things from his wife's point of view and communicating his needs to his wife in a non-damaging way. I'm going to guess that her communication skills are in need of some work as well... Add to that the pressures of their financial situation, Zoe's frustration with his career, etc... I would hazard a guess that most rabbis just don't have the necessary training if there's going to be even a chance of saving this marriage.
Zoe, A RABBI IS NOT TRAINED TO HANDLE YOUR MARITAL PROBLEMS!!!!!! THIS IS WAY TOO IMPORTANT. Go to Jewish Family Services and they have therapist that allow you to pay on a sliding scale. You NEED a therapist NOT A RABBI!!
I agree with Anonymous...you've been there/done that with the religious route too many times and have nothing to show for it. I'd love to see you stake a claim in favor of actually helping the family (and especially those poor children caught in the middle) instead!
7 comments:
It's not cheap at the point you are...friends in similar situations have shelled out $300-400 per hour for twice weekly sessions (one hour each) over 4 months and still sought divorce as the only way for each participant to be fairly served.
it only works, if both sides are willing to do and both sides are willing to give in to the other side....maybe a rabbi that both of you can agree on would do it for free
A rabbi would be a lot less expensive-- if not free-- but I suspect that this situation is beyond where a rabbi could help. Rabbis are great when two basically well-adjusted people with fair-to-good listening and communication skills just need a neutral third party to help them gain some perspective.
Zoe seems to be having a very hard time seeing things from his wife's point of view and communicating his needs to his wife in a non-damaging way. I'm going to guess that her communication skills are in need of some work as well... Add to that the pressures of their financial situation, Zoe's frustration with his career, etc... I would hazard a guess that most rabbis just don't have the necessary training if there's going to be even a chance of saving this marriage.
Wow, that's encouraging. *sigh*
Ahuva, I re-read your rabbi comment and I think that is really a good idea. I will look into this.
Zoe, A RABBI IS NOT TRAINED TO HANDLE YOUR MARITAL PROBLEMS!!!!!! THIS IS WAY TOO IMPORTANT. Go to Jewish Family Services and they have therapist that allow you to pay on a sliding scale. You NEED a therapist NOT A RABBI!!
I agree with Anonymous...you've been there/done that with the religious route too many times and have nothing to show for it. I'd love to see you stake a claim in favor of actually helping the family (and especially those poor children caught in the middle) instead!
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