Niddah During Pregnancy REVERSED!

After the last post, a man named Moshe wrote me this comment to my last post. B'kitzur, my 9-month pregnant wife had a medical exam, and during the exam, she was cut down in her area by the doctor. She felt pain when it happened, and later found blood on the toilet paper when she urinated.

That night as soon as it happened, I called the town Rabbi and told him the details, and he told me there was a presumption that since the blood came from that area, she is Niddah. However, after Moshe's comment which came to me by e-mail on Friday right before Shabbos, I went back to the Rabbi with his letter.

After hearing what we had to say (me and the letter), the Rabbi and I went back and forth asking and answering questions about the size of the stain of blood, the color, etc. After mentioning that she felt the pain when the cut happened, he exclaimed, "She felt pain when she was cut??? That changes the whole situation!!" Apparently I left this small detail out in our previous conversations.

A few minutes later, the Rabbi called me up and told me that the fact that she felt pain changed the whole situation. That, on top of the fact that she is pregnant and is not supposed to have a period -- AND the fact that the stain was NOT on a white cloth, but on a piece of toilet paper -- AND the fact that she didn't stick the toilet paper inside which would have created a question of whether the toilet paper was a bedika -- but rather, she just dabbed the toilet paper on the surface -- the presumption of Niddah had been broken and we had created enough coolas [doubts] by all these factors combined to safely say that my wife was not a Niddah.

This story alone is enough to justify to anyone why blogging is valuable to me and to my marriage. Sometimes I just don't know the answers and by having you review my stories and my issues when they arise, your objective opinions have helped find a valuable solution. This has happened over and over during the course of the past few years. In this case, it helped break a presumption of something as serious as Niddah.

Had Moshe not written that letter to me through his comment on my blog, my wife and I would have counted five days, after the fifth day, she would have done a hefsek tahara, and she would have had to check herself with a bedika cloth [a cloth used to check for blood] for seven clean days before she would have immersed in a mikveh. All this would have had to been done before I would have been allowed to have any physical contact - even a touch on the shoulder - with her.

Also, the difficult thing was that since the baby is so close to being due, chances are that by the time this whole Tahara [purity] cleansing process would have been finished, my wife would have already have gone into labor, and having a baby makes the wife Niddah for a six-week period before she goes to the mikveh. So if you add six-weeks to the two-weeks (give or take) it would have taken to make her Tahara again, that would have been a long time that I couldn't touch or have any physical contact with my wife. Thank you Moshe.

On a mystical side note, my rabbi mentioned that it is a Segula [a sort of mystical blessing that is brought down by a particular physical action done during a particular time] for pregnant women to go to the mikveh. When they do this, they bring down blessings for the other women going to the mikveh after them to have a child. So with this occurance, my Rabbi told me that my wife should go to the mikveh [and jokingly added "a few times"] so that she could help other women have children from this potential disaster. My wife heard this and said that she would be willing to do this, especially the night she would have gone to the mikveh had she been a Niddah, because perhaps there is a woman who would have gone afterwards that was having trouble having a child.

-Zoe

Niddah During Pregnancy from Medical Checkup

Okay, onto the exciting part of the evening.

My wife is expecting our first child next month, which means that she is in her 9th month of our pregnancy.

Tonight her doctor did a test to see whether she ever had strep throat, because if she did, she might pass that to the baby during labor and birth which could be dangerous to the baby.

However, when she was doing the procedure, my wife felt a bit of pressure because the doctor cut my wife inside her vaginal area. Later, my wife was urinating, and after checking the toilet paper, she saw blood. "Houston, we have a problem," she said.

Normally, religious women who are in a Tahara [ritual purity] state don't look at what comes out of them from that area because if it is blood, then she might be in a state of Niddah [ritual impurity]. The presumption is that if blood comes from the vagina, then regardless of whether it came from the vaginal walls or the uterus, she is Niddah. Pregnant women as a general rule do not get their period, therefore they do not enter the state of Niddah. However, after my wife bled from her cut, the situation was different.

We called the local rabbi and my mashpia, and after a few phone calls, my wife and I understood the situation: she is now 9 months pregnant and is in a state of Niddah. So now we have to wait 5 days, and then she does a Hefsek Tahara, where she begins counting 7 clean days using a bedika cloth. After counting 7 clean days, she goes to the mikveh [ritual bath]... or by then the delivery room.

The interesting thing about the timing of this is that the laws of family purity (Taharas HaMishpacha) help a couple bond and become closer through their physical distance from each other. By not being permitted to sleep in the same bed, to cuddle, or even to be intimate, the couple becomes sensitized to each other and as a result, they become closer. By not being able to touch, when they are allowed to touch again, the feelings get heightened and more exciting.

Our situation is that my wife got pregnant immediately after our wedding, so after our first time being separated after the wedding, we never had to count days of cleanliness, and we never had to separate for purposes of Taharas HaMishpacha more than once. Thus, intimacy became the norm and being able to touch each other whenever we wanted lost some of it's forbidden pleasure. Thank G-d now, right before the baby is born when my wife will have entered a Niddah state upon the baby's birth and we will have had to be separate for six weeks, after she goes through this cycle of becoming Tahara, we will IY"H have around a week and a half to be together physically before she gives birth to our first child.

A "Document Review" Paycheck

It has been almost a month since my last post because my life has been pretty ordinary until tonight. My days have been spent contacting patent law firms and intellectual property law firms across the United States with emphasis in the Colorado, New York, New Jersey, District of Columbia, and Minnesota states.

Additionally, I have been putting in around 12 hours daily posting my resume to job sites and e-mailing recruiters and networking.

Last week for the first time, I had a quick 25 hour job at a document review firm in Denver where I had the chance to sit in front of the computer and review documents for a second request from the Department of Justice. Basically, that entailed looking through thousands of documents and checking ["tagging"] them as to whether or not they apply to the case at hand.

This is my life. The jist of it is that since my wife will be losing most (75%) of her paycheck in a few weeks because she is going to be having our first child and going on maternity leave, I feel that the quickest way to replace her income is through these temporary document review recruiters. Unfortunately, while a patent attorney makes close to six figures, I have an interview on Tuesday to meet with a recruiter about a document review project in another state (a 1.5 hour drive, plus traffic) which pays $25/hr. This amounts to roughly $1000/wk working 40 hours per week which will be slightly higher than what my wife is currently making. The tough thing to grasp is that the average document review project pays between $35/hr to $40/hr. At least this will be a paycheck.

The Admission Ceremony

The NY admission ceremony was calm and exciting. At one point, I wondered whether this is what it is like when people swear in to be a US Citizen. Then they called roll call. As they went from A-Z, they didn't call my name. I took out my admission ticket and I wrote my name on the ticket, and just as I was about to pass my name to the speaker telling him that he forgot my name, he started to call names for the next district, and I was one of the first to be called. Feeling a bit silly, I placed my written name back in my pocket and said "present". The man standing next to me giggled.

The interesting thing that I noticed was that nobody asked for my ID or my invitation card. In fact, anybody could have stood there and taken the oath to become a NYS Attorney, and nobody would have known the difference. At the end, instead of sitting down to sign the registry, he or she could have just walked out and felt good that he took the oath. While that would be fun, I was both happy and relieved that everything was over. At every step of the way -- admission to law school, getting through every semester, studying and taking the bar, studying and taking the patent bar, character and fitness review, etc., I feared that something would come up that would be a stumbling block to me becoming an attorney. But happily, the whole process is complete.

The next thing on my agenda is getting admitted as a patent attorney. I have passed the exam as you know, and as of this minute, my name is published in the USPTO's Official Gazette of potential patent attorneys -- this is their Character and Fitness portion of the admission. If nobody objects to my admission, in a few days, the deadline for sending in an objection will have passed, and one week later, I will get my patent registration number, and B"H I will have arrived at the goal I set over five years ago -- to become a patent attorney.

Have a kosher and freiliche Pesach, and I'll write some more as soon as more happens.

Now admitted as a New York Attorney

Okay, so here is the skinny on my life since my last post. In short, as of yesterday, I am now an attorney licensed to practice law in New York State. Funny enough, I'm not yet admitted in Colorado, my home state. However, my wife and I flew in and in return, now I am a New York State Attorney. We are staying by a few friends here in Crown Heights, Brooklyn, and we will be flying back home to finish Pesach cleaning in our modest apartment later this week before Shabbos.

Based on my MBE (Multistate Bar Exam) scores, as you know, I am eligible to be admitted into the District of Columbia and Minnesota without taking their state bar exams. That is quite exciting for me because that means that I can be a Patent Attorney in those states -- this will make my wife happier because I hear that weather is much nicer there than here in Denver. Sadly, my argument about not being an attorney admitted in other states has now gone out the window, because now I can be one in other states. In a discussion with my wife, she told me that she would be willing to live on Long Island or in the suburbs around the city, but just like at home in Denver, the fast Brooklyn, NY lifestyle is not the kind of lifestyle she'd want to live in. However, she did agree that if I got a job here, she'd be willing to move here.

So that's pretty much it. I blanketed the United States with resumes (except for Colorado and New York -- I wanted to save those resumes for when I was admitted) and I've begun receiving rejection letters from firms around the country, just like I did in 2005. However, now that I am admitted in NY (and I hope to soon be admitted in Colorado), I will send out resumes to Intellectual Property firms in those states, and hopefully a job will come from that. Oh, I'll also do the same for DC and Minnesota when I get sworn into those states as well.

Truthfully, between you and me, all I need is to be admitted in Colorado. NY, DC, MN -- these are all extras which give my resume a boost, and allow me to work in those states, just in case we want to change our lives and move to a new place.

Automatic Admission into the DC Bar ?

My scaled score on the MBE (Multistate Bar Exam) was 147, and my scaled score on the MPRE (Professional Responsibility Exam) was 97, and my law school is an ABA accredited law school.

Now look at the requirements below. That means that I can be admitted into DC as an attorney without another bar exam, right? Are there any downsides that you know of to being admitting in DC?

-Zoe

--
DC Bar Exam MBE Reciprocity

Candidates for admission may be admitted without sitting for the
exam if candidate received a scaled MBE score of 133 or higher on an
exam upon which candidate was admitted in another jurisdiction, achieved
a scaled score of at least 75 on the MPRE, and has a JD from an ABA
accredited law school. If a candidate received a 133 on the MBE but was
not admitted in that jurisdiction, candidate may waive in MBE score and
take only the essay portions of the exam. A candidate must then score a
133 on the essay portion to pass the exam.

DC Bar Reciprocity

1) Membership in good standing for 5 years prior to application from
any state bar; OR

2) Membership in good standing in any state bar and a scaled score
of 133 on the MBE and a scaled score of 75 on the MPRE and a JD from an
ABA accredited law school; OR

3) An applicant can use a scaled MBE score of 133 or better in the
past 25 months. The applicant must then attain a 133 on the essay
portion of the examination.

Sending out resumes to Patent Law Firms across the US.

It has been a while, but that is starting to become usual because I don't blog unless there is something to blog about... The typical "today I went to the bathroom and played video games and saw my friend Joe" just doesn't seem so relevant to my kind of blog.

I am excited to say that since my last post, I have been diligently working on getting a job as a patent attorney. I spent a few days working with my career services adviser from law school to perfect my resume and cover letter. I also compiled a database of all of the main patent firms in the United States (yes, all of the states); I retrieved their address and contact information, including who specifically reviews the resumes and I organized it onto an excel database. Then I made a mailmerge, merging the data from the Excel spreadsheet onto Microsoft Word (which has my resume and cover letter). Then I went to print. My wife helped me with the folding and stuffing of the 65 envelopes.

With the counsel of a friend that I trust, it has come to my attention that as a patent attorney, I need to go where the work is -- even if that means that I need to move to DC or to California or anywhere else. So my wife was happy to hear that I applied across the United States.

On a Chassidic note, my wife and I wrote to the Lubavicher Rebbe (the Rebbe) in a P"N (Pidyon Nefesh -- sort of a "status update" letter) and we asked the Rebbe for a beracha (blessing) that we find the right and proper place to raise our family, even if that means moving out of our state. To make a kli (a vessel) to hold this beracha, I felt it would be wise to apply to law firms in different states, so that just in case the beracha, for example, is to have a happy family in New York, at least I will have applied to the law firms in that state so that that blessing can come to fruition through the natural course of nature (teva) and my physical acts rather than through the course of a miracle. [I learned in Yeshiva (Rabbinical School) that when a person makes a kli (a vessel) to allow brachot (blessings) to come down from the spiritual world into our physical world, and that kli will allow the blessings to come in a natural and physical way, the blessings come much easier than asking G-d for a miracle.]

Anyway, so today I plan on compiling the list of patent and intellectual property law firms in my own state and apply to these next. I am also out of resume paper and envelopes, so I need to go out and buy more.

Patent Attorney Job Search

I didn't realize that so many days have passed since my post about the bathtub. It's surprising to me that when I catch a cold or get sick, I stay sick for so many days. I'm just getting over my cold from last week now. Here are some updates on things that are going on in my life:

WIFE WANTING TO LEAVE THE STATE:

The "wife wanting to leave the state" issue has since been resolved. It was simply a matter of putting my foot down in a loving way, and then having my wife go through a grieving process. It was tough though, but the point I wanted to drive home to her was that wherever she is, that is where she should be living -- not in some other place. This in essence (after all the defensive reasons of why we should specifically be in this state) was what I wanted her to acknowledge.

PATENT ATTORNEY JOB SEARCH:

I am starting to feel as if I desperately need a job and that I am not doing what I should be doing to get one. Until a dinner meeting yesterday with a law school friend that I trust, I was under the impression that all I had to do was pass the patent registration exam to practice before the USPTO and then all my job searching troubles would be solved.

I was informed last night over dinner that my narrow-minded ideals were off-base. If I am to get a job as a patent attorney, I have to do whatever I can to get a job because the field is so competitive in our state.

My options are to 1) apply for and get a job in another state (my wife would love this option); 2) move to Washington DC and work for the US government to defend them against patent infringement suits (to get massive amounts of experience, and to "write my own ticket" into a great job in a few years); or, 3) just start MASSIVELY NETWORKING with other lawyers and other law associations.

In short, I realize that I need to significantly change my approach and get way more aggressive in my patent law job search. I will start today.

Pi (1998) and the Number 23 (2007)

vs.
12:25am Tuesday evening, now Wednesday morning. Yesterday morning, I knew I would be watching the Number 23 with Jim Carrey, and since it received such horrible reviews, I was still a fan of the plot, namely that a number rules our lives. I have such a number. I have shown it to my wife on many occasions. It has been with my family for years. Now my wife notices that three-digit number. We don't make predictions of what the number means, nor do we base our actions on seeing the number as that would be against halacha (Jewish Law) and it would amount to sorcery and idol worship. However, it is permissible to notice patterns in nature, as we have done with this number that seems to appear to us whenever we are on the right path.

Anyway, this morning before seeing The Number 23, I decided to see the movie Pi (1998) which seemed to have a similar plot. I was very amused that it seems like there were Yechi Lubavichers in that movie which were like a gang of people trying to unlock the name of G-d for their own benefit. I found the tefillin scenes totally funny because that is exactly what we Lubavichers do on mivtzoim.

All in all, however, I found the movie Pi to be quite stupid. I don't know why people have been suggesting that I see this movie for years and years. Yes, I predict the stock market based on the Elliott Wave Theory and based on Fibonacci numbers, but I don't have some weird wormy thing growing out of my brain, nor am I looking for G-d in a computer program. Plus, the idea that a computer becomes conscious of itself and then explodes after vomiting out the name of G-d seemed to be silly and pointless in relation to the overall plot.

I did like the fact that at the end of the movie, the wacko character (now bald and better looking) realized that he cannot be a vessel for G-dliness, and so he drilled a hole into his brain [through the wormy growth] which took away his abilities to "see G-d" and which made him normal, so to speak. However, the movie was still stupid.

Then, while I expected the movie 23 to be equally as stupid because of its terrible ratings, it was quite interesting. It kept me on the edge of my seat the whole movie with twists and turns and a surprise ending. I was totally a fan of this movie, and I would see it again.

Telling my wife "no" to leaving the state.

I'm certainly not one to air our private laundry for the world to see (even though this seems to be exactly what I am doing), however the moving issue is not such a fight between us. Every few weeks my wife mentions us moving and I confront her telling her we are staying where we are.

That being said, I love my wife dearly and my biggest fear is that one day she may take a position such as "we're moving to state X or else I'm divorcing you and I'm taking our children with me." This is my biggest fear [rational or not], especially since I know she feels such a strong connection to her home state, sometimes I wonder whether -- if push came to shove -- she would choose California over me.

[I would also add in that the divorces of my parents and of my close friends are always on my mind, and I'm spooked by how a woman can love a man one minute and not love him anymore the next, and vice versa.]

Anyway, I've attached her response to my last letter and my reply to her. I hope this should clarify things between us, at least until I have a job here in Denver.

Mrs. Zoe Strickman wrote:
> I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY I upset you so much. I didn't
> mean to be pressuring. Not at all. I think you are doing a great
> job. You said you were applying for jobs so I didn't want you to
> forget CA. There was never a thought that you were not doing
> things the way you should. I'm sorry if I made you feel that way.

My reply:
Thank you for your supportive e-mail. I'm just feeling very pressured with everything that is going on and I just want for things to be in order. Running off to a far away place just doesn't seem to be the responsible thing to do at this point as I can't make any educated decisions about a place I know nothing about. I know it means a lot to you to be close to your family and to live in California.

Lastly, keep in mind that if we move I will have to study for yet another bar exam or else I will be stuck writing patents for the rest of my life. Moving might sound like fun but the idea of not being able to practice other areas of law (including other related areas in which I have plans to practice along with patent law) is a horrifying thought for me, especially since I just spent so much time and effort getting ready to practice.

You know that after a lawyer has worked in one state for a number of years, he can grandfather into various states by just applying and paying the fee. I don't know what the future holds, but you know I want to start here. This is where we are; this is where I have planted my seeds, so to speak. I have done so much work these past few years to set up getting a job here. Let's get by the next few years and get a bit of stability in our lives before we start jumping to other states.

-Zoe

All in all, I feel like a jerk for getting angry at her. Obviously with hindsight from her answer, I realize that she meant no harm by suggesting that I contact her father's friend in California. Moreso, maybe she was even being helpful and I judged her as being passive-aggressive. I guess in her mind [with the baby coming and all,] it is more important for us to get a job rather than to get a job in a particular state where I am allowed to practice.

Wife wants to leave the state.

With everything going on, I am having a difficulty with my wife on an old issue that has popped up its head again. California.

My wife is from California, and she went to University of California, and she has such an attachment with that state -- I don't understand why. Yes, her parents and sister are also still there, but her attachment is the state pride itself, and I just don't get this one.

As much as she LOVES that state, it was a condition upon us meeting that we would live in Colorado, the place where I was born, the place where I have always lived, and most importantly, the place where I graduated from law school and where I have my community, my family, my friends, my business contacts, and my law degree. Did I mention that I cannot practice law outside of Colorado without first passing that state's bar exam?

Anyway, being technical, since I am going into patent law, this is federal practice which technically allows me to practice in any state. However, that is the *only* law I could practice if we moved to California. Any other form of intellectual property, licensing, or any other form of law which would be based on state law binds me to working in Colorado where I passed the bar exam and where I will be admitted.

Anyway, we have fought over this issue for some time and I thought it was resolved until today when she made a comment that maybe I should contact a patent attorney her dad in California knows so that I can get a job there. I stayed completely cool and calm on the phone, but I was BOILING inside.

I brushed off the comment as innocent, and indeed it was -- she probably didn't realize that she offended me by that comment, but my heart physically ached for HOURS afterwards and I have been TOTALLY STRESSED OUT ALL DAY by her comment that I could function, but at a significantly diminished capacity.

So when I got home from mailing the patent registration forms and paying the fee to get registered as a patent agent, I decided to write her a letter. I am posting it for your review below. I hope I wasn't too hurtful on this letter.

Dear S****,

I want you to know that I've been upset at you all day for suggesting that I call the guy in Berkeley and get a job there. I feel that you are pressuring me and I'm highly upset that you continue to do so especially after I've made it clear to you that I have NO INTEREST in moving to California at this point in our lives.

Passing the bar was a big deal, and passing the patent bar was an even bigger deal. Let me get my registration numbers (I sent in the paperwork today) and get sworn in as an attorney in COLORADO (last week was my ethics class; tomorrow is my Character and Fitness interview), and give me some space to apply for jobs and start working as I have been waiting to do since I graduated.

Most of my friends went off after graduation, got admitted, and got jobs. I took the tough route and continued studying so that I can be a patent attorney. Out of everyone, you see I am the ONLY ONE so far who has taken or passed the exam.

I'm doing things the way I am supposed to. Give me some room to do what I need to do.

Zoe

Anyway, so as you can see, I'm quite steaming. I feel that I have worked so hard to go through yeshiva, becoming frum, becoming a lawyer, and passing all of my exams and I don't want to derail all my efforts and pick up and leave just as I have accomplished everything I have been working on these past few years.

Further, I don't believe that California is the proper place to raise a family, and as things are at this moment, I don't think it would be smart to pick up and move. We agreed when we were shidduch dating that we would raise our family IN COLORADO. I don't know how to handle this issue anymore. It is ripping at me.

Ultrasounds and our doctor suggesting an abortion with 12 weeks to go in the pregnancy.

It is Feburary 25th, 3:45am, and I cannot sleep. I just spent the last twenty minutes playing with my wife's belly which contains our highly-reactive kicking baby. I think the activity was too much for my wonderful sleeping wife, who consequently just kicked me out of the bed.

Our kicking baby is the subject of this blog entry, as he or she has caused my wife and I quite a scare.

The Rebbe was highly against having ultrasounds "just for fun," or "just for whatever." His reasoning was that we shouldn't disturb the growing process of the baby unless there was a significant reason to do so [especially in such a lawsuit-oriented society]. The Rebbe was against routine ultrasounds and unnecessary testing, especially since in normal circumstances, we Jews do not believe in abortion, and thus it does nobody any good to peer into the womb unless there is something that could be fixed as a result of having the information from the ultrasound.

Anyway, after having two ultrasounds and after tracking the progress of our unborn child for almost the past two months, the doctor on Friday morning suggested that we get an abortion because there is a possibility that something is wrong. I want to point out that we are late in the third trimester and we have a smart, reactive, and playful child in the womb, and the doctor suggested that while it is illegal in our State to perform an abortion at this point of the pregnancy, there are certain States that we could travel to where we could receive an abortion.

I'll tell you right upfront, while my wife and I didn't even look at each other when this was suggested, later we shared how we were both horrified at the suggestion of an abortion, especially because nothing is deformed or missing and because the organs are all in good health and are in proportional shape. The problem that the doctors were seeing is that our unborn child is not growing at the rate they feel he or she should be growing, so while the doctors think that this might vaguely point to a genetic trisomy problem, it seems that for the time being, my little "mini me" is indeed mini.

Anyway, all this in the wake of me passing the patent bar exam and finally being finished with all my schooling has led to quite a bit of stress and concern for the health of our unborn child.

After speaking to my mashpia today about the situation, he agreed with my wife that since there is nothing for certain wrong with our child, and since further monitoring with ultrasounds cannot change the genetics of our child, nor can further ultrasounds induce its growth to fall back into normal levels, it is probably best that instead of having bi-weekly ultrasounds to monitor the child's growth and dampen the pregnancy with worries and concerns, that we should let nature take its course and allow the pregnancy to proceed without bothering the baby repeatedly since in this case, there is nothing that can or would be done to change the genetics, the health, or the size of the baby by peering into the womb through yet another ultrasound checkup.

I passed the Patent Bar Exam today.

To my closest friends and family:

I wanted to share the news that I passed the US Patent Registration Exam today.

The exam was very difficult, and I felt that they were testing more on whether I knew how to search the MPEP (patent examination manual) rather than whether I memorized the thousands of rules that I did. The first half of the exam was very difficult; I wasn't sure I passed -- I didn't even quite finish or review ANY of the MANY questions I was unsure about and wanted to review if there was time. There wasn't.

During the lunch break, since most of the past exams that I took broadly covered the MPEP's chapters (with the usual weightings on Chapters 700, 2100, etc.), instead of eating lunch, I took a few bites and I looked over my notes for the topics that they DIDN'T yet ask about -- I quickly reviewed those rules. Sure enough, that was EXACTLY what they tested on. I wouldn't be surprised if I scored a perfect 50/50 on the second half.

At the end of the exam, I received the good news, along with a print out and a signed and stamped letter for my records that I passed the exam.

I wish you all the best, and I am very thankful for the support you have all given me while I studied for this exam, and all the others that preceded it.

Warm regards,
Zoe Strickman

6 Days to the Patent Bar Exam

I don't know if I'm ready... I've been taking past exams, going over the answers in detail, and understanding why I got wrong the ones I got wrong.

My average has moved up from a 60% (that original 68% on the mock final was a fluke, because for a week or so afterwards, all I got was an average of 50%-60% on my practice exams.

Anyway, needless to say (and I know not that interesting), I've been averaging 74%-76% lately, which is ABOVE the 70% score I need to pass.

So apparently, I am ready. Today is 6 days from the scheduled exam date, and so if my score averages stay where they are, I'll pass the exam. Today I am taking a trip over to the exam center so that I can get an idea of 1) where it is, 2) what kosher food is around there, and 3) where I can relax during my lunch break. I also plan on taking and reviewing a 1/2 length exam I will be taking when I get back home.

Other than that, one issue has popped up in my life which I don't want to talk about because I don't want to bring attention to it. I'll talk about it in the near future if it becomes an issue. All I can say about it is that it is on my mind and it might be a big enough distractor that it might cause me to fail the exam.

"The Port Condominium" in Florida STILL Prohibits Mezuzas

I read this article this morning that the board of a condo ("The Port Condominium" in Florida which is owned by Jews, by the way) has prohibited a Jewish woman from placing a mezuzah on her front door. They said that it was against their policy to allow religious articles (a.k.a. mezuzahs) to be shown on the outside of the apartments.

Note, however, that the board HAS ALLOWED Xmas wreaths and other such markings, but mezuzos? No, not allowed.

In my opinion, these practices are WRONG and should be fought at all costs. Apparently, they have gotten Chabad involved hoping that their lawyers would pick up this issue and fight for them.

It is my opinion that the fight should not only be by the attorneys, but be each one of us. Each one of us should pick up the phone, voice our opinion, write an e-mail, and do something about it. If YOU AND I do not fight this kind of injustice every time it happens, it will happen again and again.

The link is here.

-Zoe

Boston City-Wide Bomb Scare Video

I heard about this on the radio. There were a few guys that put up electronic advertising devices that caused a city-wide bomb scare. When the police learned about this, they shut down the roads, the highways, the trains, ...practically the whole city. The article is located here, and the video of them actually doing it (which I'll try to embed below) is located here.



While I find the protective response by the police laudable, I have mixed feelings about the criminal charges... After all, they were just trying to advertise their business. On the other hand, their tactic WAS invasive, as if someone walked around town putting up flyers or pasting sticky notes everywhere. I do this from time to time, and when I do, I know it is an invasive way to do things, but then again, doing things the regular way often ends up being quite expensive and not as effective.

The truth of the matter is that "in your face" advertising actually works. On the other hand, people want to be protected from immoral advertising that intrudes on your peace of mind at every step. A person should have the right NOT to be advertised to.

IDT Energy Scam?? Door-to-door Salesmen??

I just read the articles here, here, and here.

Do you know these people CAME to our door asking for our electricity bill promising to save us money?

I told him that I wasn't the landlord and I don't make electricity decisions. I told him to ring another doorbell and I walked away.

Now I'm reading this article and I just realized that these are the guys I was talking to.

ON THE OTHER HAND, I *AM* the kind of guy who would support the underdog trying to make a living or trying to make a place for himself in the big business world filled with monopolies, so if this company WAS legit (which apparently it is NOT), I would support them in a second.

Then again, IDT is apparently owned by frum Jews, and I would support a company for that reason alone 1) if they were HONEST, and 2) if they provided GOOD service and REASONABLE prices. I don't know, however, whether this is the same IDT as is owned by the Jews, but if it IS and it IS a scam, then I hate them for being dishonest and making a Chilul Hashem. [I hate it when religious Jews scam other people. It makes my blood boil hot red.]

US PATENT BAR EXAM DATE SET FOR FEBRUARY 12TH, 2007

Okay, it's official. My USPTO Patent Bar Exam is scheduled for FEBRUARY 12, 2007!

Your appointment for the computer-based U.S PATENT REGISTRATION EXAM is confirmed.

Please find the confirmation details that follow:
Client Candidate Id: XXXXX
Confirmation: 00000000XXXXXXXX
Program: United States Patent and Trademark Office
Exam Code: USPRE - U.S PATENT REGISTRATION EXAM
Exam Date: 12 Feb 2007
Exam Time: 09:00 (8 hrs)
Prometric Test Center

Okay, so this is it. As if I weren't already in crunch time. Now we're in super-crunch time-bar-review-mode. Honestly, I feel totally panicked, as if I am going to fail and all this studying will be for nothing. Nah, then again, I've studied diligently for months.

I completed the PLI Patent Bar Exam Home Study Course, a MONUMENTAL achievement. I passed the bar exam without a sweat on my brow; another monumental achievement. This is just ONE MORE STEP on the pathway from here to where I want to be. I can do this. I can.

All I need to do is to keep doing what I have been doing, just faster and more often. I need to get my times in order and get my body used to the conditions of an 8 hour exam. I need to take exams in 4 hour blocks, ideally twice in a day. That will condition me for the exam.

This is the end of my journey. This, other than the job search and interview process, is the last hurdle before I can start working as an attorney. I am very excited about this.

- Zoe

PS - One thing that I think is cowardish of me to mention is the thought of canceling or rescheduling if my scores are not high enough to pass the exam. There is no fee to cancel or reschedule the exam date, as long as 1) I call 2 business days in advance of the exam date by 12pm, and 2) that I reschedule the exam by the middle of April 2007, the end of the window of when I can take the exam. I SERIOUSLY DO NOT WANT TO RESCHEDULE, but if I won't pass, a reschedule might be the only option. The problem -- for me, at least -- is that knowing I have some kind of an out makes me feel that it is okay to slack off just a little bit because there is a way out.

Napoleon burned his ships after he landed with his troops on the enemy's shore to show his troops that there is NO FLEEING and NO TURNING BACK. The two options are VICTORY or DEATH. I need to feel the same way.

Concerns regarding PLI's Patent Bar Review Course

Since finishing PLI's patent bar review course, I have been doing practice questions and have been taking practice exams on some PatBar StudySmart 4.0 software that a friend of mine let me borrow because my PLI Patware software wasn't working.

I am happy that I am finished with the bar review course, but I am not so happy that I am averaging 50% on the practice exams. (I need 70% to pass). Yes, on the sample final that PLI gave us, I scored a 68%, which is one question shy of the 70% needed to pass, but I have a feeling that this test was an unintended TRICK to falsely give us confidence for the exam.

What annoys me is that I did EVERYTHING the course told me to do -- in the order and depth the course told me to do it -- and I emerged from the course with a 50% test score average. This annoys me because when I took Pieper Bar Review for the NY bar exam, I was scoring WAY HIGHER than what was required to pass the bar exam, and I passed with flying colors. This course barely prepares you to pass.

What scares me further is that the PLI Patent Bar Review course that I am taking was purchased from a law school friend who bought the course in 2004 and passed the patent bar in 2005. But he was a scientist for a patent firm, so he knew what he was doing before he even listened to the first CD. Since then, the exam is using an updated MPEP (patent manual) with updated rules and updated cases. I don't know these new rules or cases, and I am relying on a 2-year old course which puts me at a slight disadvantage, but a worthy disadvantage because I payed FAR LESS than full price for the course. This was good for my marriage-life budget and was worth the risk.

To add insult to injury, the BarBri PatBar software in my opinion is flimsy, outdated, and has errors (I've looked up answers multiple times in the MPEP patent manual and have found that the answers on the patbar software were often WRONG.) This annoyed me.

All in all, I want to raise my average to at least 75% (ideally 80%) to give myself the cushion that I need to overcome any disadvantages I have from the conditions and circumstances of which I have walking into the exam.

How I was Taught to Treat My Wife in our Chassidic Marriage

Okay, Knished asked me to write about MARRIED LIFE...

Married life. Well, in my case, my wife and I have agreed to live a chassidic lifestyle which means no television in the home, whereas the home environment is centered around us spending time with each other, doing the laundry, the dishes and anything else that needs to get done, meals (sometimes with guests) and Torah learning.

[We are still watching movies, albeit outside the home because our Rav told us that it is a lesser evil to watch movies outside the home than it is to bring movies into the home and ruin the atmosphere we have chosen to have in our home.]

Generally, (and I'll try to stick to it even now,) I've made it a point NOT to speak about my wife or our relationship on this blog because even though she knows about it, I actually don't think she's been on here lately. However, I feel that it is inevitable that she one day WILL read every word I write here, and I don't want any of it to make her do anything but smile.

Yes, there are complications sometimes with our relationship. Often it is me who has the rule or the belief as to how couples in a chassidic marriage are supposed to treat each other (e.g. with respect, always remembering who we are speaking to, and NEVER cursing or raising our voice to the point of yelling with one another, cleaning after one's self, etc.) and often it is my wife who goes through life not aware of my rules until she notices that I am highly upset and often it is me who for whatever reason has let the issue build up until I'm more upset about the issue than I should be.

FORGIVENESS OF INADEQUACIES:
On my end, the trick to a happy marriage is always understanding that (B"H) I have a wonderful wife with a GOOD HEART who loves me deeply AND WHO DEALS WITH MY IMPERFECTIONS. Trust me -- I am FAR from perfect. But she deals with my ups and my downs, my messes and my idiosyncrasies, and thus since she is SO FORGIVING of my inadequacies, I have the unshakable duty to be as forgiving of hers. Plus, she is a human being just like I am; she burps, bloats, gets tired, moody, and hungry like anyone would. She is as disciplined as she wants to be in whatever areas she chooses to be, and I need to respect that about her.

GENEROSITY (ABOVE AND BEYOND WHAT IS EXPECTED):
Regarding our daily lives, I feel that it is important for me to be sensitive to her needs, and I often go out of my way to do things that I don't need to do, and I try to seek out what she needs and I get it for her or do it for her before she even asks me for it (even if she would never even think of me doing it for her). If I find that she doesn't acknowledge it after a while and I start to feel taken advantage of, I tell her. If she still doesn't acknowledge it, we'll fight.

OPEN COMMUNICATION:
I learned from my Rabbi that it is very important to always keep a line of communication open with your wife. Always, even if it is something totally embarrassing, such as me getting a 3rd parking ticket in a one-week period because I get distracted and I forget to move the car or when it is something very difficult, such as confronting her on something she did that hurt my feelings, or carefully advising her on a better way to handle a touchy subject while being very sensitive to her feelings.

I learned this lesson of having complete and open communication when I received my diagnosis and I went on medication -- I told my Rabbi and I made him promise not to tell anyone -- not even his wife -- about it and he promised. Weeks later, he told me, "You know Zoe, I have never held anything back from my wife. This has been the first thing that I have ever hidden from her since we've been married." Firstly, I felt terrible that I put a separation between them, namely my dirty little secret. Secondly, this was a big lesson for my own marriage.

MOVE YOUR ANGER OUT OF HER WAY:
There are times where I get angry, frustrated, enraged at anything or anyone -- even my wife. However, during those times, I make sure I am NOT AROUND MY WIFE when I am in those states of being. She doesn't need to deal with these, and under NO condition should I take out my frustrations on her. I certainly don't hide anything from her, but I don't take my anger out on her.

When we have an argument and I see that it is escalating to the point where I am about to lose my temper or say something that I will regret, I have learned from my Rabbi that I should do WHATEVER IT TAKES to get out of that situation before I explode -- "jump out of a window if you must, as long as you get out of there before it is too late" my Rabbi says. The goal here is NEVER TO LOSE YOUR TEMPER AROUND THE OTHER PERSON. Fights are healthy, but they should stay healthy. There is no reason to be calling each other names or using the F word or belittling the other person. Maintaining RESPECT and INTEGRITY is what is needed to keep the shalom bayis (peace in the house).

EXPRESSING LOVE, APPRECIATION, AND RESPECT:
This is also super important. You should always love and respect your wife, even when you are not feeling like it. Love isn't something you have or are "in," but rather, it is something you DO. Sometimes it is difficult, especially if she is not living up to your expectations at that moment, but it doesn't matter. She is your wife and she deserves your love ALWAYS, even when you are in the middle of a fight.

Other than these tidbits of wisdom that I have learned, my wife and I (B"H) are doing well. We are learning each other's patterns and we are learning how to help the other person stay happy. We let each other be who we are, and we don't force our views of what we would like our partners to be on the other. We don't hang out 24/7, and there are times that we completely do our own thing, but at least we communicate with each other and make sure that the other person isn't feeling slighted or left out.

Most of all, it is important to appreciate who you have for the rest of your life. There will be only one person who will be there from now until the day you die (you hope) -- that is your wife. Treat her well, love her like no other, and treat her with respect.

Frumpter blog activity observation -- misleading?

I am getting quite nervous that my public blog [not this blog which is my "private" blog, but the "public" one that I put up to further disguise my blogging activities] visitation rates have gone up significantly by those I know visiting the blog, and the reason I am getting nervous is because I have been pretty much posting VERBATIM what I post on this blog on that blog...

The thing is that since I've been married and since the whole mental health issue has become quite an old one (moot), I have been posting topics on both blogs (verbatim) that are not a secret to anyone, not even to those I know or am close with.

However, with more and more people visiting my "public" blog [which has my real identity, but has significantly filtered content], I fear that one day a friend of mine who peruses my public blog will notice a similarity between the postings on that blog and the postings on this one and will figure out that I, [my real name], am "Zoe Strickman", a.k.a. "Frumpter."

I could be more discreet, but it means a lot to me that I am able to keep in touch with a large number of my friends just by pointing them to my blog. This is a HUGE time-saver, especially for someone like me at this point in my life where I have no time to keep in touch with everyone because I'm studying for the Patent Bar Exam.

Anyway, on another note, I've been looking at the statistics for this site, and it appears that this site gets some 200 visitors each week. The funny thing is that few people post comments on this site and the comment section of the blog generally seems to be dead, whereas a few months ago, I used to get a maximum of 20-30 comments per post. This lack of response to my posts is discouraging, and I am wondering whether 1) my life has just been boring lately, 2) the topics that I write about are boring and stale, or 3) maybe the statistics are wrong and really nobody is visiting the site and I'm writing to the walls.

MOCK Patent Bar Exam Results

I just finished and graded the final exam for the patent course that I've been taking. Anything between 70%-80% means that I would be ready to take the patent bar exam with minimal post-course work. (There is another 80 hours of post-course work to boost up my final score average.)

I got 68% correct. (34 correct answers out of 50 questions).

Are you psyched??? This means that I am very close to being ready to take the exam, and all that I need is just a bit of fine tuning and memorizing information.

Timewise, I finished the 3 hour exam in 1 hour and 20 mins and I still got the score that I did.

This means that since the MPEP (Patent Manual from which many questions are taken) contains most of the answers to the questions, at this rate, I will be able to use the remaining 1.5 hours to simply look up answers to difficult questions.

Anyway, I just wanted to share the news.

I just received the certification in the mail allowing me to sit for the patent bar exam! I must schedule and take the examination between 1/16/2007 and 04/16/2007.

Now the pressure is on...

Corporate Paralegal -- The Expected Rejection Letter

I am not surprised. I received a form letter from the Human Resources Manager the next day:
Thank you very much for taking the time to meet with us to discuss the position of Corporate Paralegal.

While your background and qualifications are impressive, we have selected an individual whose background is more closely related to our opening. 

We will keep your application on file should a position become available in the future for which you are qualified.

We appreciate your interest and wish you the best of everything as your career progresses in the future.
Anyway, as everybody there knew, this was to be only a temporary position until I got admitted and until I passed the patent bar.  Then, they would have to either (after a period of time) switch me over to work as an attorney or risk losing me to a firm or company who would be paying the appropriate salary.

I still feel that for the Company's individualized needs (they needed someone with IP knowledge to wade through boxes and boxes of patents and paperwork coming in because the company was going through a whole bunch of mergers and break-offs and they lost their IP department) I would have been an appropriate candidate, but I don't feel wronged; rather, I feel like it was some kind of message telling me that I shouldn't be wasting my time in tangential endeavors -- rather, I should do what I am supposed to do -- I should wait for the certification from the patent office to take the exam while finishing up my patent bar studying, I should schedule the exam, take it, pass it, and start working as a patent attorney -- the whole plan all along. 

Over-qualified? I thought that was a cliche'.

Well, I had my interview this afternoon. I was supposed to meet with four attorneys, but one of them refused to see me. I was a little bit confused, especially since he was the head patent guy in the Company for whom I would be working.

In short, my interview was a DISASTER. The management whom I met with jumped all over the idea of training an attorney and paying me as a paralegal so that I can "get my foot in the door" and "learn the ropes of the business world while at the same time learning the real workings of a corporate IP department." However, the attorneys were appaled by the idea. They said that I was overqualified, and that I didn't belong in the Company as a paralegal. I tried to convince them that I was "starting at the bottom, like in the mail room" to no avail. They were right; I didn't belong there as a paralegal.

Further, the attorneys said that they wouldn't feel comfortable bossing me around, especially because I would be their equal and/or superior in knowledge in status, especially once I passed the patent bar. I am specialized in patent law, and it was written all over my resume. Part of me wondered whether they just didn't like the idea of an attorney (or in my case, a soon-to-be-admitted-attorney who has passed the bar exam) to work as a paralegal. Another part of me thought that I would have gotten the job if I erased the words "Juris Doctor" from my resume as if I never went to law school, ever. Most of me knew they were concerned that I wouldn't stick around in a medium-paying paralegal position after being sworn in as an attorney and so they would be wasting their time training me. I thought they were right.

On this topic, I spoke to the human resources guy about this issue before I even went on the interview -- he said that it was his (and management's) intention to train me as a paralegal for the short-term with the intention of having me move up to the ranks of attorney after a year or so of familiarizing myself with the business and the technology. I thought this was a good idea.

However, when I walked out of there, I was sure that I was walking out alone; ...WITHOUT the job.

On a positive note, today I learned a big lesson -- ATTORNEYS SHOULD NOT APPLY FOR PARALEGAL POSITIONS. That wasn't the lesson, but the rule. The lesson I learned was that I should finish up what I have been working on (namely, the patent bar) and I should take that G-d forsaken exam and get it over with and start working at a regular firm. This was the plan until I got the e-mail last week from the HR manager of the Company who saw my resume and thought it would be a good idea if I applied for the paralegal position.

Anyway, back to the patent bar.

Growing Pains and Suit Sizes

[original NewsTarget.com link here]

Sure, it's not that easy in the mornings. Waking up when all I want to do is sleep; getting to minyan, studying with a chevrusa -- we're doing Gemara Sukka. ...and then the dreaded daily studying -- guess what -- IY"H, that routine will soon come to an end. I got a job interview. The position isn't for an attorney, but it is for a IP Paralegal in a neighboring state. I'm very excited about this, because even though this job is not for an attorney, it is close enough and it gets my foot in the door so that when I pass the Character and Fitness review and get sworn in as an attorney, and when I pass the patent bar, I hope to have the option of converting my job title to Patent Attorney (after all, I'll already be working there). At the very least, the employer has acknowledged that she knows I am a lawyer and that I passed the bar exam, and so after a few months of training as a paralegal (which by the way pays more than a starting attorney here in my state), they'll upgrade me to attorney status.

I guess a benefit for them is that they train me to work for them as an attorney while paying me the reduced salary of a paralegal. I don't mind. At least I'll be working and gaining relevant experience that I can put on a resume and supporting my family so that my wife can feel that she doesn't need to work after the baby comes and maternity leave runs out.

So that's it. Everything else in order... My wife and I bought a suit yesterday. I couldn't believe that the 46L size that I have been for so many years no longer fit me. Was I heavier because of being out of shape or from having my pitty pregnancy belly? [If you can even call it that] -- the problem was not my belly, but the fact that the suit jacket kept arching out from my chest in the front, which is a sign that my chest is too big for the suit. We checked my chest -- nothing but muscle. Could I have my last puberty spurt - this one expanding the size of my chest at the age of 29?

Anyway, so we went up a size and "48 Long"s were ALSO TOO SMALL. I thought, "what the hey?" So we went up to size 50 Long and those fit the chest, but the suit itself was WAY too big. So we settled on my size being a large 48 Long / athletic 50 Long. We found a suit that was 48 Long and with some modifications to the pant size (adding 2 inches) it finally fit. Then we went to buy ties (I own almost none because I never wear them) and a belt. Since the suit was black, I bought a black and red striped tie -- the red was to suggest power and the black was to match the suit. However, while the whole appearance is very impressive, it just occurred to me that I will be wearing the colors of the militant black panther (black power) group, but I am white. Either way, the colors and pattern of the tie look quite collegiate, and now I have a suit that fits me for the interview.

Wish me luck!

Patent Bar - Sprinting to the Finish Line...

> Dear Zoe,

> Wow your ALMOST done!

> I have a question, How are you doing this? Are you following in the Study guide as you listen to the CD or taking notes or both?

> Or are you reading the study guide after you listen to the CD?

> - Danny

Dear Danny,
That question cost me 5 months to figure out.

This is the method they tell you to follow on the tapes:
Step 1) pre-read the chapter before you listen to the audio.
2) Listen to the audio
3) Then after listening to the audio, shut off tape and do questions and/or exercises / practice exams.
4) Resume tape and go over questions and answers
5) Do lunch homeworks and mini-exams when instructed.
6) Continue onto the next tape.

Believe it or not, this has been EXACTLY what I have been doing up until last week.

Since last week, I've decided to pick up the pace to finish this thing so that I can start working already. So I spoke to my wife and decided to hit this course 1000% [bar review mode] for two weeks. I hope to finish the course using the modified method below:

I've altered steps 1) & 3) and I have started to pause the tape as I get to new topic headings and skim the chapter contents, then I listen to the audio while looking at the book, all the while taking notes in the margins. At the end of the tape, I return to the study guide and go over the notes again, but this time in more detail because I've heard the overview from the tape. I make notes, transfer them out of the book, and keep going. Keeping going means not stopping for phone calls or snack breaks or anything until you have ABSOLUTELY NO ENERGY left to keep your eyes open and you must shower, daven, and sleep. This has been my life for almost the past week.

Oh, and I've found that it is SIGNIFICANTLY HELPFUL to speed up his speaking because he is very slow. The only way I could figure out how to do this was that I installed a program on my iPod mini 2g (called rockbox) that allows me to speed up his voice, because otherwise it would take me HOURS to get through a CD. So I sped his voice up using the "pitch" feature to 130% and now he goes at a respectable pace. Microsoft MediaPlayer probably has a similar feature.

Lastly, the past two days have been dedicated to transferring all my notes to Microsoft OneNote and creating mnemonics, Pieper Bar Review style.

I know this is a long answer to the short question, but I wanted to share with you the full experience. I can't wait until this is over. Soon. Very soon.

Zoe Strickman

PS - One more thing -- don't stop. Make this a marathon until it's over or else you might lose momentum and get totally bored and distracted from the density of this material. If you keep moving, you can blow right past the boring parts and not get stuck. That was my hard lesson -- don't stop or it will take you triple the time to start back up again.

Learning Gemara with my Rabbi as a CHEVRUSA!

By the way, I am TOTALLY JAZZED!

I was talking to my Rabbi over Shabbos, and he mentioned that his Gemara (Talmud) chevrusa (study partner) couldn't study with him on a regular basis anymore because their time schedules are not working the way they used to, so he needs to find someone to study with...

I thought... "was he hinting to me that he would like to learn with me??" This was totally an opportunity for me, and so I [calmly] jumped on it. I told him that I would be willing to learn with him; he was only willing to do it if I were willing to make it a regular thing and if I were reliable. "Hell yeah!" I thought.

So we agreed to learn Gemara Sukkah over the next year on Mondays and Fridays between 9:30am - 10:30am, but under the condition that we learn it the REAL WAY [see, infra]. The time is a slight inconvenience because 1) that is the time I usually am in shul davening (praying), and 2) 10am is when I start studying for the patent bar, and 3) if I get a job with a law firm, this schedule will be difficult to keep, but I am willing to daven earlier and change my schedule to make this happen.

[THE REAL WAY]: My rabbi learned in 770 Eastern Parkway ["770"] -- the home of the Lubavicher Rebbe. In other words, he's from the old school and he learned how to learn gemara the way the Rebbe and the bochurim [students] in 770 learned gemara. I would give ANYTHING to be able to learn gemara like that.

So I am totally excited that I will be learning with him. This will be an amazing experience, and I can't wait for the opportunity to learn with him. I've learned the tractate on Sukkah before in yeshiva, so I am familiar with the text and I will (IY"H) be able to follow him when he delves deep into the words of the text. I am very excited to be given this opportunity.

Thank you Hashem!

Waiting for the patent bar exam date to arrive...

Now is the silence before the tumultuous finale. I've passed the bar. I've gotten married. I have a child 5 months on the way. I've studied for the patent bar and registered for the exam. I've applied for jobs. Now I'm in a holding pattern, waiting for things to happen (although actually like a duck in a pond)...

I am not yet finished with the studying for the patent bar, but at least I've made a regimen of studying for a certain number of hours each day and I've stuck to it. I would say that I am 3/4 of the way finished, which is both exciting for me and scary.

I sent in my paperwork to the patent office weeks ago to register for the exam plus the paperwork and the documentation to prove that I am eligible to become a patent attorney. The funny thing is that I received a letter from the patent office stating that they didn't believe that my middle initial was really my middle name, and they asked me to resubmit my application, this time providing my middle name. The problem is that I don't have one; I only have a middle initial.

I called up the director at the patent office and told him that my middle initial IS my middle name, and that there is no name associated with it on my birth certificate or any other legal documents. He thought that was the weirdest thing. I told him "it does stand for something, but the real name is just that middle initial. Do you want me to put that name on the application?" He said, "Are you asking me if I want you to lie on the application???"

I couldn't believe we were having this conversation. In short, he asked me to send him a letter and some proof of the fact that I don't have a middle name, but just a middle initial. I sent out that documentation last week.

Other than that, in my mind I am scrambling before the exam taking in every bit of time that I can to study. I must pass this exam so that I can get a job in a patent law firm.

The Mundane Existence of Twin Flames

I'm so sorry... Lately, there really is nothing to tell... at least regarding crazy experiences which merit writing in a blog. Married life has taken my former crazy emotional life, and has turned it "normal".

I still sometimes have problems sleeping... I am still reading (absorbing) books on homeopathy so that when I have a family I will be able to be not only the "rabbi" of the home, but also the "healer" / "doctor". I am still studying for the Patent Bar Exam (thank G-d, I sent out the paperwork and am waiting for a confirmation letter so that I can schedule the exam)...

I PASSED THE NY BAR EXAM!!!

The interesting thing about married life is that things become daily activities to maintain the home... Take out the trash... Do the laundry... Get the mail from the mailbox... Clean up after yourself... Shower regularly... Brush your teeth... Twice... Daven (pray) in the morning with a minyan... Go grocery shopping... Sleep at night...

The thing that I could "complain" about (if there was something) is that nothing happens anymore. We have our respective schedules, we frequently visit her parents, we visit mine, we have dinner almost every evening, we rarely go out, we sit on the couch and read at night until we go to sleep.

As for spontenaity, this is what gets to me the most. It doesn't take ONE person to make the marriage interesting; it takes two. I can get excited about something or try to be adverturous or seductive or spontaneous, but if she's not into it, the idea flops, as it often does. If I continue being excited about it and if I push the idea (which I often do), in her eyes I am seen as annoying and childish.

Additionally, I find that I make myself "busy" (a.k.a. I make myself look as if I am busy and/or productive) because if not, I am seen as lazy and am judged. It hurts that this happens, because I am the one that just finished three CRUEL years of law school and I am the one that just passed the bar exam in NEW YORK (one of the most difficult bar exams in the United States), yet she is the one that is going to work every day and so I fear that she feels I am a slacker because I haven't found work yet. Yet, in my heart I want to THROW the blame on her that I am not finished with studying for the Patent Bar Exam because she distracts me and causes my life to be so upside down; however, the truth is that I don't prioritize my days (when I actually SHOULD be studying) well... Instead, I am busy doing the stuff that she wants me to do and am busy running errands which KILL my day (each and every day). Basically, I feel like I am the wife in this relationship, and this bothers me to no end. I NEED to start bringing in some money or else I fear that our relationship may suffer longterm.

Accidentally Caught an EVP in a "Reverse Speak" recording of my wife.

I'm actually a little bit upset at what happened tonight. I was playing with my recorder and recording my wife and playing it backwards to show her how unconscious messages are transmitted by the unconscious mind using the voice as a vehicle, and I accidentally picked up an EVP.

Let's clarify. Basically, "REVERSE SPEAK" is the concept that we speak on many levels, and our unconscious minds have the ability to transmit messages through the voice, which often are transmitted backwards, and the listener's brain picks up the messages and flips them back around.

The application is that when a man tells a woman "I love you" and in his mind he's thinking "You f'kin bi*#h," that highly negative message will be transmitted in the words "I love you," often just backwards. This is why sometimes we don't believe a person's intentions, but we cannot consciously understand why. However, if the person saying "I love you" is sincere, when you reverse the speech, often you'll find supporting messages like "you're wonderful" or something as simple as "I love you" reversed too. This is a very cool thing and I've played around with it to test my intentions and hear what is happening on another level.

However, tonight I was playing with it for the first time in quite a while, and as I was listening to my wife's voice, I heard another voice in almost a whisper. I got chills down my spine when I heard it because I got the feeling that it wasn't a human voice.

I slowed down the voice and withdrew the high pitched sounds of my wife's voice, and this left me with just the whispering I heard. It was saying "GET UP."

I decided to reverse the voice and see if there was anything there. When I reversed the voice, it said "LIE." I don't know whether this was lie as in "lie down," or "tell a lie," but either way it was not a welcome voice.

I told you bloggers a few months ago that I wasn't interested in playing with EVP because I was sure that if I tried it that it would work and I would end up freaking myself out. When I was a child, I was sure I heard demonic angry sounds from our shed. I never thought about it much, but when thinking back to this set of events, I attribute this event of the demon in the shed to a vivid imagination. I don't want to mention that there was this whole experience of the floor opening up [rocks separating] and a full visual hallucination that went along with it, but let's just say that I was a child with a healthy imagination.

Bringing us back to today, I do NOT want to hear voices on my recordings, and they are NOT welcome. The last thing I need are non-physical entities ("shin-daleds") who think that I can hear them. This is the last kind of energy I need at this time.

For more information on EVP's, I just did a quick google search and came up with this web site: http://www.allinfoaboutparanormal.com/recording_evps.html

As for the recording, if someone has a way for me to upload it so that you can hear it and isolate the voice better than I was able to, I would be willing to put the file on the web -- just tell me where to put it to make it available to you.

iTunes Podcasts I Subscribe To:

I forgot the list of podcasts from the last message. Here are the podcasts I listen to each week (as much as I can) and enjoy immensely:

Brain Food, Brain Sync - Theater of the Mind, Mysterious Universe, The OU's Daf Yomi, Chabad.org Daily Rambam & Tanya, A Quiet Mind, All in the Mind, Investor's Edge.

Recent Podcasts I've added and enjoyed: Chiropractic Kinesiology, Dr. Peter Bennett's Heath Programs, Dr. Wayne Dyer's Inspiration, Millionaire Mind Video Podcast, Point of Inquiry, Powerliving Podcast, Reiki Articles, The Innoculated Mind - Mindcast, The Reiki Show, Zencast.

There have been others over the months, but these are the ones I've come to have on my iPod. If anyone has any suggestions of Podcasts they enjoy and find informative, please let me know.

-Zoe

Ugh... Headache is still here... Slept on Living Room Floor

Ugh.. Another day of headaches... I had a difficult time getting started this morning... I fell asleep in the living room around 2ish and realized that I fell asleep on the floor when my wife's alarm clock went off this morning at 6am. I went into the bedroom and fell asleep until this morning three hours later where I missed all my morning meetings where people were relying on me.

I had a dream that my friend had a new idea for a semi-conductor chip that was living. It required a special kind of nutmeg nut, some magical water, and some sperm. The person donating the sperm in the shower got it all over me instead of in the formula. I was totally grossed out and almost threw up. People (women) took me into the bath to wash me off but then their female supervisor was coming in. The women screamed, "Tznius! (Modesty!) We'll be caught for sure!" It was at that point that I realized that if I feigned illness, they'll be forgiven and I'll be left alone. So I started pooping into my hand and rubbing it all over the wall. [In the dream, this was an okay thing to do! Yuk!] When the woman walked into the room, I moaned and said that I was sick. She understood and left the room. Then my friends came running in to show me the computer readout that the semiconductor chip was living and that it worked. The capacity for this new kind of chip was years beyond anything out in the market at the time. We were all very excited and repeated the experiment, this time with me not there.

Overall, I still have my headache from a few days ago. I'm not eating, I'm not brushing my teeth, I'm not davening, and I am having a difficult time focusing. I can't even see straight and what I'd really like to do is just to go to sleep, but I'm resisting the urge or else I'll be up all night again.

[I'd like your comments on this -- I can use some advice and feedback as to what you think is going on with me.]

Lastly, because I am unable to study and I am wasting hours playing with the anti-virus computer settings on my computer, I am getting NO studying done for three days now. I don't know what is going on, and why I can't just get with it. Am I getting sick? I feel as if I am going to pop. Does anyone have any advice?

Laws of Family Purity (Taharas Hamishpacha) b'kitzur

The laws of “Taharat HaMishpacha” (literally, the laws of “Family Purity”) are one of the fundamental elements of Jewish marriage which a man and woman undertake to learn and adhere to before entering married life.

The laws of family purity revolve around the woman’s menstrual cycle, and encourage the husband and wife to be intimate during the times she is permitted to him, which occurs (1) after counting five days after seeing the blood from the menstrual cycle, (2) checking for the end of the release of blood from the uterus, (3) counting seven “clean” days where no blood is seen, and (4) immersing in a “mikveh” (a purifying bath). After these four steps are adhered to, the couple is encouraged to be intimate and to have sexual relations.

During the time of the menstrual cycle where the blood is flowing, the husband and wife are not allowed to have any physical relations. They must sleep in separate beds, must not touch or even speak intimately with one another, and must adhere to laws which separate the couple from acts which may lead to intimacy or physical relations.

Family purity laws are learned by both the husband and the wife prior to the marriage ceremony.

Letter to an old college friend

Dear Old Friend,

You wrote me at a very interesting time. I looked you up a few months ago -- I saw you got a grant on your research. Congratulations. As for pictures, to my disappointment, you have never been one to show up on the web with images, but there recently has been a young girl who has shown up on the google searches with your name. She is an aspiring actress, and is said to be quite good. She looks nothing like you.

I got married this past Thursday, just a day after the bar exam. Can you believe the timing? My fiancee works as a doctor, and she is from Providence, Rhode Island. We were set up by mutual friends, she moved up here to Denver, got a job, and then we met. I proposed to her after just a few dates.

As you can guess from what I just wrote about the wedding, I also just took the bar exam this past week. I picked up my law school diploma this morning. I can't believe all the studying for the bar exam is over.

As for everything else, there are a lot of pressures on me from all sides to do the things I need to get done in the next few days / few weeks. Everything is changing around me and while it is all very exciting, I have found the need yesterday and today to hide out in my new apartment and not answer phone calls because I am feeling quite stressed with all the things I still need to do. The people who are calling me consist of two main people -- 1) my rabbi who is urging me to prepare spiritually for post-wedding life, and 2) my mom who is upset about the religious customs we had at the wedding and she is wondering when we are going to visit her.

From an objective view everything seems to be right on target. I seem to be doing everything I am supposed to do. My goals are in line, my values match my actions, and yet with everything, I am totally freaking out about the whole experience of being newly post-law school without a job and with a new set of responsibilities that I have undertaken. If you are as intuitive now as you were and you are picking up my high stress levels, you can imagine why I'm pretty high stressed. There are a lot of things I need to get done in the next few weeks.

As for my spiritual path, as I know you've always loved that part of the discussion, I have found meaning in the universe through the dogmatic doctrines of my faith, and I am still delving around in the mass of teachings trying to make sense of the experiences I've had. Some wacky stuff has happened these past few years and it bothers me that religion cannot explain it or at least explain the "how" of it. What weirded me out is that for a while I thought it was all in my head until I took a video recorder and documented my experiences and was surprised to see that they were still there on the video when I played them back. When I tried to show people, they thought I was nuts, the rabbis told me that it cannot be real, and I experienced more pain than anything because immediately I felt alone because I couldn't share my experiences with others who would take me seriously. Huna gives a good explanation of the things I've experienced, and I have continued my fascination with this topic while trying to follow the master plan of how a Jew is ideally supposed to act. I know you were never into this to the degree that I immersed myself into it, but it just seemed right at the time for me to do it, and it has since become a part of me. Anyway, on another level, I've found much interest in the hemi-sync / holosync technologies and I wonder whether there is validity to their methods and applications. This is something I will pursue in the future.

As for everything else, while I have been introduced to EVP and reverse speech and other such topics, I have avoided them quite actively because I have found that whenever I try one of these things, it usually works and so I don't want to attract these kinds of energies to me because most of the energies that surround these kinds of things are violent and are not happy. Recently a psychic walked up to my mom and told her that I can talk with spiritual entities.

The problem is that with what I've learned with Judaism, these aren't the sort of entities I want to be having a relationship with, and so while a few years ago I would have meditated and tried to make contact, recently I've kind of been hiding from the whole experience and have been trying to be normal. So you don't see me meditating or doing anything weird any more, but between you and me, I've kind of figured out the whole energy interaction thing between people and things in nature and have attained a degree of control over it which I think is pretty cool.

Unfortunately, it is still not strong enough to do anything with it (and I don't think it will ever be strong enough) and it can't do anything substantial so I have no use for it other than to wonder exactly what it is, and I can't tell people about it because I feel stupid, especially because of all of the movies that have recently come out on the topic where the experience has been portrayed as a hollywood superpower and so I pretend that it is all in my imagination or that it does not exist. Plus, there is an opinion that I am doing stuff that I shouldn't be doing and I am messing with the natural order of things and that it might have consequences or attract bad things to me. At one point, I thought it was a muscle and if I practiced at it, I would get really good at it and I did, but the application of it in its present state is stupid and amounts to nothing more than a parlor trick which is useless. I wish I understood it. I don't think I ever will.

As for everything else, everybody is okay.

It's always nice hearing from you. You were always an important part of my life and I'm happy that I still occupy your thoughts from time to time.

Warm regards,
Zoe

EVP & Reverse Speech

Oh my gosh, I am totally freaked out. I was just watching "White Noise," a so-so movie with the guy who played the original Batman and in the movie Duplicity.

I was very weirded out by the concept that one can receive communications by listening to the static of a TV set, but then I got to thinking that how cool would it be if it were real. Then... AT THE LAST SCENE OF THE MOVIE... There was a message on the screen saying that:

"7 out of 10 EVP (Electronic Voice Phenomenon) messages contain violent messages."

Huh? You mean this stuff is thought to be real? So then I did a search on google.com for "EVP" and I found a WHOLE BUNCH OF SITES that talk about this "phenomenon" as if it is a real thing. Here are a few just to get you started: ghostpix.com, the skeptic's dictionaary, American Association of Electronic Voice Phenomena.

Holy Smokes! This totally weirded me out, especially from a Judaism point of view. Judaism teaches about the structure of the universe, and it talks about Angels, Demons, Spirits, and non-physical entites, and the laws for and against interacting with them. However, this is all theory -- there is no experiential side to these teachings, at least not for simple people like you and me.

I then surfed from site to site, and I noticed that on some sites they actually had some sound file recordings of the EVP messages and their relevant contexts. I played them, and it weirded me out further. I wondered after playing a few soundbites whether this might attract these unhappy spirits to me and my house, and I wondered what energies would be attracted to it by playing these sound bites. After all, if these non-physical entities are trying to communicate with us, then obviously someone who is paying attention to their existence might attract them. This scared me because from what I know about Judaism, any entity that contacts me here on our level cannot be a good thing, because our physical world (called Asiyah) is in a position only to attract the evil spiritual forces. There is more to this and I am sure my statement will be misunderstood, but this is not the place to go into it.

Bottom line, if this is real, then this is scary for me because it makes very real things that I only thought were in my mind and in my subjective experience. I have been told by countless psychics that I have contact with non-physical entities on a regular basis, but I have always thought [and still do think] that this was all a bunch of bologna.

Anyway, I don't want to be contacted by spiritual entities, and it weirded me out at how easy it was to do so, and I am sure that if I tried this EVP stuff that I would get some massive results because with my hearing and my sensitivity to magnetic sounds and visual distortions (my brain doesn't filter out all the visual impressions that my eyes receive as it should and so I see streaking patterns all day long -- again, a topic not for this post [in fact, I've written about it in the past])... Okay, bottom line, this stuff scares me and the fact that it is somewhat a "science", that scares me even more.

It scares me because it reminds me of a phenomenon I am VERY FAMILIAR WITH called REVERSE SPEAK (a web site describing this can be found here). When I was in college, I analyzed recorded conversations and especially my highly emotional diary entries and I found messages embedded in my own voice that were totally relevant to what was going on at the time of the recording -- but these messages were only found when I played the recordings BACKWARDS. Maybe I'll put a few of them up online in the near future. I spent many weeks working on this project and found significant results to the point that I got weirded out by the whole thing and then stopped it. I also scared a few people along the way.

Another reason I scrapped the project was because I was getting negative messages about the relationship I was in at the time telling me the whole thing wasn't going to work out, and I thought the messages were my imagination. Hindsight, the messages were 100% on target and that relationship totally didn't work out for the exact reasons the reverse messages said they wouldn't.

Anyway, enough weirdness. Back to bar review. I am sort-of uncomfortable with the subject because it might be real.

Webaroo.com

A few quick things.

Firstly, I have 18 days and 5 hours, 8 minutes, and 11 seconds until my bar exam.

Secondly, I am doing well. I am totally in study (cram) mode, and I will expect from myself more than I have asked from myself in many years.

Lastly, there is a site: http://www.webaroo.com
I'm very impressed with their free software, which allows you to have internet access (so to speak) even when you are OFFLINE. Cool, eh?

In sum, much is going on, and I am half asleep and have to wake up in a few hours to meet with my Rabbi to get fitted for a Karpota for the wedding. This is totally exciting.