I realized that I could lock the door to my office and do a Hemisync Discovery Introductory session.
I wanted to do this because after everything I have been learning from Reishis Chochma and now Sefer HaGilgulim with Reb, I have somehow cycled back to the Rabbi where I got my start in Torah and religion.
I ended up here because I was looking for English translations of the Hebrew Kisvei haAri books I was learning, and I came across one of Rabbi BT's videos which caught my interest. He said that astral travel was real (even from a Torah perspective) and that even though Robert Monroe from the Monroe Institute got the practice and described the experiences accurately, he didn't know Torah so his names for the places and the experiences were very scientific (although they accurately described what goes on spiritually).
[Just so we are clear, I think the concept of "astral travel" is hokey and stupid... but when you call it "tefisas haDerech," well, that made me curious.]
The connection between Robert Monroe, Hemisync, and Torah blew my mind because I spent SO MUCH TIME before becoming religious practicing and dabbling in Holosync and Hemisync binaural brainwave technology. Seeing this connection, I realized I might have the perfect background to check this out and maybe practice it for real.
And, with all of the learning with Reb, so much has opened up for me spiritually, so these experiences have also opened up for me. I am not fighting this, but I am exploring this with deep interest.
First of all, it is better to do this than to play video games, waste my energy doing nothing, or watch Netflix. Plus, if this stuff works, that would be super cool.
Rabbi BT says that Judaism is not only supposed to be studied intellectually (like rules of Halacha) but Judaism is supposed to be EXPERIENCED, like meditating on the letter Aleph or doing more advanced meditations to experience Hashem and all of his creations (not just the physical within the bounds and limitations of the physical world). He says there is more, and it is there for us if we want to do the work to try to achieve it and experience it.
"This guy (Robert Monroe) did, so why can't I? (a frum Jew with Torah, Mitzvos, a family, etc.)"
So Robert Monroe wrote a book about his experiences. I've been reading that voraciously so that 1) I can compare it to what a spiritual experience would be, 2) so that I can learn the characters in the spiritual world and know what to expect, and 3) so that I can try this out myself.
On top of that, Dr. Monroe got to these experiences with mere visualizations. But then years later, he went on to create technology (Hemisync) that can alter the brainwaves to allow the meditator to enter these altered states of consciousness. Focus 3, Focus 10, whatever -- I don't know them yet.
AND, I HAVE GOOD EXPERIENCE AND KNOW HOW TO USE THIS DEVICE.
My idea is to play his audio Hemisync courses while at the same time, wearing the Muse brainwave feedback headband to get active feedback on whether I am properly modulating my brainwaves into a meditative state or not.
On top of this, I have the Neurowhatever white neckband which can send signals to my brain to move towards various deeper states of awareness.
I have my arsenal, AND I have my Torah and my desire to connect to Hashem and explore spiritually to see what there is to see. This has GOTTA be fun!
So here was my first experience:
11/7/2023, 4:45pm, my office, door closed, locked.
I found it difficult at first to modulate the Muse brainwave device because it was giving static (meaning I was in an agitated state). I noticed the A/C fan was blowing on me, and it couldn't be good to have a fan blowing on my body if I was trying to leave my physical body, so I turned it off.
I was able to get the Muse device quiet, which meant I was 'doing well' meditating (whatever that means). The neckband was running a "Vagus Nerve" program, and even though this wasn't the meditation-inducing program I wanted, I didn't want to change the program because it is an experimental program that I wanted to keep installed and active on my neckband.
I opened the "heavy box," from the audio instructions, put my physical belongings into it, turned my back, and then just listened and relaxed, focusing on the brainwave feedback every time it got noisy.
At one point, there was chanting "ohm" or "ah" as part of the Hemisync tuning program. I thought it was powerful, and at one point I wondered if everything I was hearing was the audio, or perhaps I was already doing something more. The reason I mentioned this is because I've done these audios many times before, but at one point I thought I recognized a voice that didn't belong to the tape. "I'm imagining this for sure," I thought, and moved on.
Either way, I found it deepening to do this. I tried "Voo" to go along with the Vagus nerve signals [to connect to the 'gut' emotional brain, why not?], but that seemed not to go along with the "ohm" so I resumed the audio tuning.
I'm not sure if this next part happened before or after the audio tuning, but it was interesting to me, especially since I am reading Dr. Monroe's book on his own good AND BAD experiences with astral travel, so he was giving us suggestions which I understood were suggestions to ask for spiritual guidance from GOOD spiritual beings (who were more advanced than us), not from bad ones who could hurt, imprison, or attach themselves to us [you know, to "eat" us like we are food].
So while he said the requests and asked us to repeat them after him, I did, but since this is a spiritual journey for me and I am a Jew, I said the spiritual requests in Hebrew (as best as I could). What I didn't know in Hebrew, I just used the English words he suggested.
This was powerful for me because I realized that maybe I could attract to me spiritual helpers or "good" beings who could guide me further on this exploratory path rather than attracting klipot or spiritual animals who would see me merely as food to eat and devour. So this gave me some reassurance that I was doing the right thing.
At one point, I realized I was very relaxed, so I figured now would be a good time to do some "Yichudim" (if that is what this is called). I am reading an Aryeh Kaplan book on Kabbalah & Meditation, so this is where I got the idea to do this (aside from the fact that Rabbi BT told me to focus my anger and hatred using the sheimos of Hashem at the terrorists in Gaza, I was nervous tapping into this energy so quickly). Better to start with Y-K-V-K and A-D-N-Y yichudim (I said this with sarcasm; mixing the names of Hashem seemed to me to be akin to be playing with gunpowder and not having any idea what I was doing); but mixing holy named seemed to be "safer" than digging into the "left Kav" of pure Gevurah and channeling that like a lazer at my enemies in Gaza.
So I got interrupted when trying to do the Y-K-V-K first, so I decided to do it with A-D-N-Y first.
I pictured a big white mountain, and before the mountain was the A; the mountain was the Y. Then before the next mountain was the D; the mountain was K, and so on.
I remember the komatz and patach and tzeiri, etc. sounds, and how to move my neck [from the Sefer Yetzirah courses I did many years ago before I was frum], so I did that too (although my Muse brainwave device didn't like the movements and it got static'y). I am guessing this was roughly 10 minutes into it because the Muse started sensing a lot of movement after 10 minutes.
I was able to do the A-Y-D-H-... yichudim, and then I did it the other way around with Y-K-V-K first. They are both names of Hashem, so I couldn't imagine it would hurt flipping them around.
I wasn't looking for a response; I was actually happy with myself that I was able to keep the focus so I could complete it. Doing Yichudim sometimes can get really long and complicated, so doing just this for me was something I was proud of.
Until this point, my heart rate was between 84 bpm - 95 bpm, but after I started doing the Yichudim, my heart rate dropped down to 74 bpm - 84 bpm. I don't know if that meant anything, but what I did notice was that the oscillations of my brainwaves picked up steadily after 10 minutes.
The oscillations didn't mean I was in a deeper state. I wasn't. But the brainwave activity really picked up after the 10-minute point and remained high throughout the rest of the session.
I'm not sure what happened next, but we were supposed to go deeper. We were supposed to imagine that various parts of our face were getting sucked into our brain. "Weird," I thought, "but OK."
I did it, and as I remained in that state, I noticed that my forehead was getting hot. It didn't bother me, but I noticed the temperature change, and I was wondering whether this was a good thing or not.
I continued the meditation, and it seemed to be uneventful. I was surprised that I made it this far because I usually fall asleep by now, so I was impressed that I was still present and awake.
At one point, the speaker (Dr. Monroe) suggested that if I ever want to get back into this state, just take the fingers of my right hand, and touch them against the back of my head. "An Anchor!" I thought. "COOL!" This will be useful if I ever want to return here! (wherever "here" was).
Then, he installed another anchor. "If you want to remember what you are experiencing in this state, touch your fingers to the center of your forehead." "Cool," I thought, and I did that.
Then the Muse 30-minute session expired and the sound feedback turned off. I assumed this was what happened.
Shortly afterward (the 40-minute session was ending). I was surprised that Dr. Monroe took so long to get us back in our bodies to wake up, and he had a whole SLEW of suggestions, basically to make the body, the nerves, the endocrine system, or whatever function the way it was supposed to.
"Some hypnotic suggestions for health couldn't hurt here," I thought, and I was happy to entertain the suggestions. However, honestly, I had a difficult time understanding exactly what he was talking about. His speaking seemed like a foreign 'science' language to me. I was a bit weirded out by this, "Why give such complicated hypnotic suggestions that the brain wouldn't be unable to understand?" I thought, but since I saw that he does this in another course I was looking at last night, I assumed this is what he was doing here. "I'll take it," I thought.
Then I woke up, refreshed, and then I changed the baby's diaper and checked on the kids.
In hindsight, the "not understanding his closing hypnotic suggestions" thing bothered me somewhat. Not that there was something wrong here, but based on what I was reading in Robert Monroe's book, it occurred to me that I might not have actually been "here" when listening to his suggestions. It occurred to me that maybe I was "somewhere else," and that is why I didn't understand his language and why his suggestions didn't seem to make sense. [I am not giving myself this much credit yet -- I am *NOT* anything other than a real beginner on this topic -- but it does weird me out a bit that maybe I didn't understand his words because I might have been "somewhere else," on the way back to "here."]
In sum, honestly, I don't think this experience was meaningful or that anything out of the ordinary happened. But perhaps if I had to choose a few items, what for me was noteworthy was 1) the 10-minute mark -- what did I do at 10 minutes, and why did my brainwaves get so active? Did I successfully 'do' something with my meditation? And why did my pulse drop almost 20 bpm (from 95bpm-75bpm) during this same time? What relevance was it that my pulse slowed from 10 minutes onwards? The second noteworthy item (and I think this is stupid), 2) why didn't I understand his hypnotic suggestions at the close of the session? Hypnotic suggestions are supposed to be simple so they can be acted upon by the brain and the unconscious mind.
Also in sum, the reason I wrote this down is that I intend to take this further and to experiment further. I am wondering whether something I wrote here can be referred back to later, or maybe something I 'heard' in the experience, I later discover "wasn't on the tape." [That would be creepy.] So that is why I wrote all of this down.
I also secretly feel that I am in a place in my life where it is appropriate and healthy to try this type of meditation. I am hoping this will deepen my religious observance, my Torah study, and it will get me closer to Hashem.
I have a sadness that maybe I'm not doing everything that I could or should be doing. Like for example, if I am dabbling in this kind of spirituality, I should be saying brachos, davening, and putting on Tallis and Tefillin each day, on time (b'zman). ...For my own protection, of course.
I also learned that these Jewish everyday "mundane" religious practices (brachos, davening, tefillin, mikvah, kashrut, etc.) actually have deep, far, and wide spiritual effects that we are not taught about and that we have no idea we are doing. We just know "this is good, this is bad, this is what we are supposed to do because it is good for us."
Was this ignorance of what is happening spiritually the plan all along? To make us a spiritual nation but not have us understand how we are creating and affecting the worlds around us and within us? That seems wrong.
The Rebbe'im over time all had spiritual experiences, as did the chassidim -- in their davening, in their deveikus, in their meditations, etc. But our generation is so dry, so lacking in spirituality, even though Chassidus and revelation is so much part of our everyday lives.
We understand Hashem so deeply with Maamarim, Sichos, and with our daily Torah study and observance of Shabbos and the Holidays... But unless we are caught in a niggun, or we are part of a good quality farbrengen, or we break into some kind of achdus dance, really, there is little going on spiritually, at least where we can tangably experience that 'something' is happening.
Maybe this experiment in meditation will fix that. Maybe you will figure out what I am talking about and you will try this stuff too, so there will be two of us, then three, then three thousand, then a hundred thousand, and so on. At a minimum, I'll start with my own meditation and shoring up my own observance so that I only do good by meditating and that I don't end up lost, psychotic, or dead.
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