Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Wife, you STOLE my evening.

I want the world to know that I am angry at my wife, and I feel that she has stolen yet another evening from me, and this time I want it back.

Because our landlord has failed to fix the central air conditioning in our not-so-humble apartment, I went back home this weekend to my dad's house to pick up wall-unit air conditioners (and a beat-up old minivan so that my wife can have a car so that she won't be secluded in the house while I take the car to work each day.)

Well, as usual, today around the end of a grueling day at work, an hour or so before five o'clock pm, I receive a phone call from her asking me when I'll be home. By her voice alone, I crumble and I give up plans that I really want to go to the gym and I say "I'm coming home directly at 5pm" and she is happy.

I come home, and today for the first time we have a guest in the home -- my wife had a neighbor stop by (they are both pregnant and so they will be going shopping tomorrow together). A few minutes after the neighbor left (now around 7pm,) her father called me up urging that I go to Mincha/Maariv minyan at 7:30pm. I can't say no, so I go. 8:30pm rolls by and I am back at home, and again, my wife is struggling with the baby to put him asleep and he just doesn't want to. "It's probably too hot" I think, and so she puts him into her bed in our air conditioned room and I wait for her to come out and at least say hello to me.

Minutes turn into hours, and I'm STILL waiting for her to come out. I make my presence known by walking into the bedroom so that my wife can see that I exist, but its dark in there and I don't want to wake the baby. I sit by the dining room table burning DVDs and ordering books for the 8 credits of computer science classes that I am taking in the fall online so that I can get a technical science degree (to get a job as a patent attorney), and I wait for my wife to come out, but she doesn't come. I sit by the couch waiting for my wife, and I fall asleep. I wake up sweaty at 1am realizing that I fell asleep again waiting for my wife.

I am so ANGRY and SAD and LONELY because I feel neglected by my wife. I feel as if she has taken on the role of being a mother, but she has forgotten that she is ALSO MY WIFE, a role she has long neglected. Not only that, but I feel stupid that I give up each and every evening running home to her only to have ZERO interaction from her because she goes to sleep without telling me only to have me waiting all night for her. I think to myself, "why don't I be a bit selfish and NOT run home each night? Why don't I just go to the gym as my health NEEDS me to and be a good husband an hour later?" No. Stupid me runs home each evening thinking that this one will be different, only to be disappointed again.

Wife, I feel as if you stole yet another evening from me, and I want it back. I had plans for us to sit by the table and talk about our day, to reflect on our experiences, and to plan for our future, and you stole that from me. I wanted you to put the baby to sleep and to come out and spend your evening with me. I wanted us to watch a movie; to play a game; to do anything, as long as it is together, and AGAIN, my night has been spent alone. Had I known this, I would have made plans without you. Had I know this, I would have done something else. I wouldn't have sat by the dining room table waiting for you as the minutes and hours passed by. I wouldn't have busied myself watching the clock for you to come out of the bedroom, but you didn't.

I want my evening back. You stole it from me. Thief.


Anonymous said...


meir said...

do u hate your wife/life ?

Anonymous said...

schmuck, tell her, not the whole world thru your blog.

Anonymous said...

Did you verbaly express to her your wish to spend time with her? If not you really can't be too upset with her, for you did not share with her. Your wife is NOT a mind reader.
I have made similar calculations with reguard to my marriage and relationship with my wife, but as upset and angry as I am when I actuly speak to her we work things out. You need to verbalize your expectations.
Please talk to your wife when you are NOT angry and resntful.

Zoe Strickman said...

Meir, no, I love my wife and parts of my life. I am not so happy with who I have become, although that is not in stone and I am working on this.

As for everyone else, yes, I forwarded a copy of this to her and she agreed with me and apologized. We have had this fight multiple times and each time she said she would fix it -- because it happened yet again is why I was so upset.

shoshi said...

You are really disgusting. There is no other word for it.

Your wife is the whole day around your offspring, spends the nights caring for YOUR child, and you dare make her reproaches for NEGLECTING YOU?

How stupid can a person be???
How egoistic can you be???

She is not your mummy!!! She is the baby's mummy!!!! So help her. Than she will first need some time for herself, and than perhaps she will also have time for you.

Or take a babysitter and have an evening out with her. But you should give her Zumi, not expect that it is the other way round!!!

Ahuva said...

Why didn't you walk into the room with her and touch her on the shoulder or hold her hand? If you want to be with your wife, then *be with your wife.* She's tahor, so maybe give her some gesture of affection and whisper in her ear (so you don't wake the baby) that you missed her and are looking forward to spending the evening with her. Encourage her-- don't berate her-- I'm sure she wants a loving evening with her husband as much as you want a loving evening with your wife. How is she to know if you are happy or angry if all you do is loom in the doorway?

Honestly, it sounds like communication problems are the root of 80% of the problems in this marriage. Don't forward her a blog post-- TALK TO HER-- SHOW HER THAT YOU CARE FOR HER.