Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Wife, you STOLE my evening.
I want the world to know that I am angry at my wife, and I feel that she has stolen yet another evening from me, and this time I want it back.
Because our landlord has failed to fix the central air conditioning in our not-so-humble apartment, I went back home this weekend to my dad's house to pick up wall-unit air conditioners (and a beat-up old minivan so that my wife can have a car so that she won't be secluded in the house while I take the car to work each day.)
Well, as usual, today around the end of a grueling day at work, an hour or so before five o'clock pm, I receive a phone call from her asking me when I'll be home. By her voice alone, I crumble and I give up plans that I really want to go to the gym and I say "I'm coming home directly at 5pm" and she is happy.
I come home, and today for the first time we have a guest in the home -- my wife had a neighbor stop by (they are both pregnant and so they will be going shopping tomorrow together). A few minutes after the neighbor left (now around 7pm,) her father called me up urging that I go to Mincha/Maariv minyan at 7:30pm. I can't say no, so I go. 8:30pm rolls by and I am back at home, and again, my wife is struggling with the baby to put him asleep and he just doesn't want to. "It's probably too hot" I think, and so she puts him into her bed in our air conditioned room and I wait for her to come out and at least say hello to me.
Minutes turn into hours, and I'm STILL waiting for her to come out. I make my presence known by walking into the bedroom so that my wife can see that I exist, but its dark in there and I don't want to wake the baby. I sit by the dining room table burning DVDs and ordering books for the 8 credits of computer science classes that I am taking in the fall online so that I can get a technical science degree (to get a job as a patent attorney), and I wait for my wife to come out, but she doesn't come. I sit by the couch waiting for my wife, and I fall asleep. I wake up sweaty at 1am realizing that I fell asleep again waiting for my wife.
I am so ANGRY and SAD and LONELY because I feel neglected by my wife. I feel as if she has taken on the role of being a mother, but she has forgotten that she is ALSO MY WIFE, a role she has long neglected. Not only that, but I feel stupid that I give up each and every evening running home to her only to have ZERO interaction from her because she goes to sleep without telling me only to have me waiting all night for her. I think to myself, "why don't I be a bit selfish and NOT run home each night? Why don't I just go to the gym as my health NEEDS me to and be a good husband an hour later?" No. Stupid me runs home each evening thinking that this one will be different, only to be disappointed again.
Wife, I feel as if you stole yet another evening from me, and I want it back. I had plans for us to sit by the table and talk about our day, to reflect on our experiences, and to plan for our future, and you stole that from me. I wanted you to put the baby to sleep and to come out and spend your evening with me. I wanted us to watch a movie; to play a game; to do anything, as long as it is together, and AGAIN, my night has been spent alone. Had I known this, I would have made plans without you. Had I know this, I would have done something else. I wouldn't have sat by the dining room table waiting for you as the minutes and hours passed by. I wouldn't have busied myself watching the clock for you to come out of the bedroom, but you didn't.
I want my evening back. You stole it from me. Thief.