Lacking Energy to Fly

Just wanted to write an update on my progress. I am totally wiped out from all of the burden the bar exam requires me to bear (that is, if I want to pass), and I have been feeling that lately my energy level has been dipping a bit.

Yes, I did pull an all-nighter and I did get to bed at 7:30am on Tuesday, but I was sort of hoping that my energy would kick in, and it hasn't. I kind of feel like Spider Man in the second movie that while he was flying through the air, he lost his ability to spin webs and shoot them from his wrists and he crashed to the ground.

Luckily, I'm no spider man (although I DO have a huge propensity to get bitten by spiders, and for some weird reason I am always attracting spiders and getting bitten by them, but then again, there are also times that I am sensitive to electricity and I have a tendency to get and give electric shocks quite easily. Along this same line of thought, I can hear a TV turn on with the volume off hundreds of feet away from me. This freaks some people out.)

Anyway, as I was saying, luckily, I'm no spider man. I'm just a simple Chassidic guy who is trying to do my duties to G-d, to my community, to my family, to my friends, and most importantly, to my future wife. I'm trying to stay religious and do as much as I can while the pressures of the bar exam breath down my neck and loom around me while maintaining a healthy relationship with those I love and care about. Sometimes this can be quite a balance.

Anyway, so as it stands, I am lacking the level of energy I would like to have, and thus I am totally exhausted from all the work I've been doing to prepare for the bar exam. I look forward to it being over soon mamesh, Amen.

Nervous Breakdown?

[Sorry for editing this post; I removed a few things that I felt would give away my real identity, and I wrote this blog entry out of frustration.]

I know I'm totally supposed to be positive about everything, but I am so over stressed that I cannot even see straight anymore. Last night, I was talking to my wedding planner, and he was giving us all these catering options, etc., and I told him to STOP IT because I couldn't take it anymore. I felt like I was literally my head was literally going to pop. I'm not kidding.

I am wondering whether I am moving close to a nervous breakdown. I am so overwhelmed that I can't even see straight anymore.

Here are my issues:
1. I don't have a handle on the money issue regarding how my Callah and I are going to pay for the wedding, and we have not yet had the discussion on whether we have the same beliefs about how money is to be handled. We also haven't discussed exactly how we plan to pay for living expenses and this is stressing me out.

2. I feel that there are so many things that need to be done on both my end and on her end, and this is overwhelming me, especially because 180% of my time is taken up by studying for the bar exam.

3. There are some basic ways as a Chosson and Callah are supposed to be interacting during the engagement period, and we are walking the fine line between the type of relationship that secular lovers have versus the relationship that a chassidic Chosson and Callah would have.

Point being, steam is coming out of my ears and pressure is being felt behind my eyes SO MUCH that I fear that if I don't relax, I might actually break down. When I said I feel like I am going to pop, I am NOT KIDDING.

There is just so much to do to study for the bar exam. At first, I was just reading my bar review notes until our lecturer strongly spoke to me and told me that if I don't consistently do practice essays and MBE questions, I am guaranteed to fail. So now I switched my study method from just reading and memorizing the notes to doing problems, but there is SO MUCH to do. I feel like I'll never catch up.

A Soldier's Burden

I found this cartoon from coxandforkum.com to be quite smart.

I was just looking at my blogger archives, and it seems like there are no entries for April of this year. Did I not write anything for a whole month??

Bedbugs? Carpetbugs?

WTF? I fell asleep last night lying on my dad's carpet because I was working on doing adaptibar.com bar review questions in the living room on the laptop. This morning and all day since waking up, I've been totally itchy as if I'm being bitten by mosquitos. What's going on?