[Sorry for editing this post; I removed a few things that I felt would give away my real identity, and I wrote this blog entry out of frustration.]
I know I'm totally supposed to be positive about everything, but I am so over stressed that I cannot even see straight anymore. Last night, I was talking to my wedding planner, and he was giving us all these catering options, etc., and I told him to STOP IT because I couldn't take it anymore. I felt like I was literally my head was literally going to pop. I'm not kidding.
I am wondering whether I am moving close to a nervous breakdown. I am so overwhelmed that I can't even see straight anymore.
Here are my issues:
1. I don't have a handle on the money issue regarding how my Callah and I are going to pay for the wedding, and we have not yet had the discussion on whether we have the same beliefs about how money is to be handled. We also haven't discussed exactly how we plan to pay for living expenses and this is stressing me out.
2. I feel that there are so many things that need to be done on both my end and on her end, and this is overwhelming me, especially because 180% of my time is taken up by studying for the bar exam.
3. There are some basic ways as a Chosson and Callah are supposed to be interacting during the engagement period, and we are walking the fine line between the type of relationship that secular lovers have versus the relationship that a chassidic Chosson and Callah would have.
Point being, steam is coming out of my ears and pressure is being felt behind my eyes SO MUCH that I fear that if I don't relax, I might actually break down. When I said I feel like I am going to pop, I am NOT KIDDING.