Wife wants to leave the state.

With everything going on, I am having a difficulty with my wife on an old issue that has popped up its head again. California.

My wife is from California, and she went to University of California, and she has such an attachment with that state -- I don't understand why. Yes, her parents and sister are also still there, but her attachment is the state pride itself, and I just don't get this one.

As much as she LOVES that state, it was a condition upon us meeting that we would live in Colorado, the place where I was born, the place where I have always lived, and most importantly, the place where I graduated from law school and where I have my community, my family, my friends, my business contacts, and my law degree. Did I mention that I cannot practice law outside of Colorado without first passing that state's bar exam?

Anyway, being technical, since I am going into patent law, this is federal practice which technically allows me to practice in any state. However, that is the *only* law I could practice if we moved to California. Any other form of intellectual property, licensing, or any other form of law which would be based on state law binds me to working in Colorado where I passed the bar exam and where I will be admitted.

Anyway, we have fought over this issue for some time and I thought it was resolved until today when she made a comment that maybe I should contact a patent attorney her dad in California knows so that I can get a job there. I stayed completely cool and calm on the phone, but I was BOILING inside.

I brushed off the comment as innocent, and indeed it was -- she probably didn't realize that she offended me by that comment, but my heart physically ached for HOURS afterwards and I have been TOTALLY STRESSED OUT ALL DAY by her comment that I could function, but at a significantly diminished capacity.

So when I got home from mailing the patent registration forms and paying the fee to get registered as a patent agent, I decided to write her a letter. I am posting it for your review below. I hope I wasn't too hurtful on this letter.

Dear S****,

I want you to know that I've been upset at you all day for suggesting that I call the guy in Berkeley and get a job there. I feel that you are pressuring me and I'm highly upset that you continue to do so especially after I've made it clear to you that I have NO INTEREST in moving to California at this point in our lives.

Passing the bar was a big deal, and passing the patent bar was an even bigger deal. Let me get my registration numbers (I sent in the paperwork today) and get sworn in as an attorney in COLORADO (last week was my ethics class; tomorrow is my Character and Fitness interview), and give me some space to apply for jobs and start working as I have been waiting to do since I graduated.

Most of my friends went off after graduation, got admitted, and got jobs. I took the tough route and continued studying so that I can be a patent attorney. Out of everyone, you see I am the ONLY ONE so far who has taken or passed the exam.

I'm doing things the way I am supposed to. Give me some room to do what I need to do.

Zoe

Anyway, so as you can see, I'm quite steaming. I feel that I have worked so hard to go through yeshiva, becoming frum, becoming a lawyer, and passing all of my exams and I don't want to derail all my efforts and pick up and leave just as I have accomplished everything I have been working on these past few years.

Further, I don't believe that California is the proper place to raise a family, and as things are at this moment, I don't think it would be smart to pick up and move. We agreed when we were shidduch dating that we would raise our family IN COLORADO. I don't know how to handle this issue anymore. It is ripping at me.