Okay, part two. The haircut.
I didn't think much about the haircut after the upsherin. I knew what needed to be done -- a regular haircut and leave the payis and let us determine how long or short to make them. My wife asked me if I wanted to go, because I didn't want to leave my dad alone with either my mom (they're divorced and it wouldn't be tznius) or to leave my dad alone with my wife (for some reason I had it in my head that it would have been a yichud issue, although at this point I can't remember what my reasoning was -- I was feeling ill and tired at this point, so with hindsight, there likely was no yichud issue, but I thought there would be). All this being said, I thought my mom would enjoy the experience and I trusted my wife that she knew what to do.
Oops. First of all, I was slightly upset that I knew that my wife wouldn't tolerate the local religious guy to give our son his haircut. So I was fine with her taking our son to Supercuts as I often do with reservation (I don't feel good about it when I go). However, apparently she didn't know what to do because she let the barber COMPLETELY cut off our son's payis. Plus, he gave our son a goyishe haircut.
Now this is horrible to say, but in our community there are the frum guys, and there are the non-frum guys. Usually the non-frum guys are the Israelis who don't respect halacha and do whatever they want. They make up their own rules and don't follow Lubavich minhagim (or any minhagim for that matter) and so I see what haircut they and the other non-religious parents give their kids. That's the haircut my wife gave our son.
When I saw this, I was horrified, but I didn't say anything [until this morning.] I'm getting tired at this point, and I'm really now upset at myself for going into all this detail and I don't think I have the energy to write the final blog post which is the WHOLE REASON I wrote everything up until now.
In short, when I told my wife that I was upset that she didn't consult with me before cutting off the peyos, she insisted that she kept the sideburns which are peyos. When I exclaimed to her that they weren't, and when I told her she gave our son a goyishe haircut, she refused to hear me out. This really hurt me because I was already hurt from her not listening to my input on so many issues until now. In short, to spite me, she will not fix his hair and is keeping the goyishe haircut just to spite me.