Thursday, October 13, 2005
"G-d, I did bad, you did bad -- Let's start a new account."
My Rabbi tells a story every Erev Yom Kippur about a guy at an inn who has two journals. Every year he looks into the first journal which contains his sins, and he takes account. Next, he looks into the second journal which contains G-d's sins (things that didn't go right for him) and he takes account. He looks at both books, says, "G-d, I was bad, you were bad -- let's start a new account."
While this was a joke, I am actually considering starting these journals. My first sin for tonight is listening to loshon hara and not saying anything about it while people were commenting on the chazzan's slow speed. I could've said something or stood up and walked away, but I just sat quietly and listened.
My first entry in G-d's book was also today. While backing up in the torrential rains motzi (after) Yom Kippur, I hit a black parked car. I didn't cause any damage, but I was embarassed when I walked over to the person and said, "I hit your car. I was going very slowly and so I don't think I caused any damage -- I checked -- but if I did, let me know and I'll pay for the repairs." I could have said nothing and gotten away with that, but being that Yom Kippur just passed, I felt that I wanted to do the right thing.
Otherwise, I blew the past two hours checking e-mails and looking for sewing machines. I know nothing about this; in fact, I am a complete space cadet when it comes to sewing. But I have many clothes where I want to take in my shirts, and I want to hem up my pants and sew on missing buttons that it would cost so much to have my stuff altered at a tailor that I thought I would venture out and learn a new skill to do it myself. It can't be that difficult.
Regarding school, I am feeling overwhelmed handling both the bar review and classes. I am not staying afloat, and this is bothering me. I need to overcome my "stupid distracted state" (SDS) and I must get to work. I am serious about this. I am passing the point of no return where my grades will start to get affected if I don't get down to business and catch up on the volumes of work.