Laws of Family Purity (Taharas Hamishpacha) b'kitzur

The laws of “Taharat HaMishpacha” (literally, the laws of “Family Purity”) are one of the fundamental elements of Jewish marriage which a man and woman undertake to learn and adhere to before entering married life.

The laws of family purity revolve around the woman’s menstrual cycle, and encourage the husband and wife to be intimate during the times she is permitted to him, which occurs (1) after counting five days after seeing the blood from the menstrual cycle, (2) checking for the end of the release of blood from the uterus, (3) counting seven “clean” days where no blood is seen, and (4) immersing in a “mikveh” (a purifying bath). After these four steps are adhered to, the couple is encouraged to be intimate and to have sexual relations.

During the time of the menstrual cycle where the blood is flowing, the husband and wife are not allowed to have any physical relations. They must sleep in separate beds, must not touch or even speak intimately with one another, and must adhere to laws which separate the couple from acts which may lead to intimacy or physical relations.

Family purity laws are learned by both the husband and the wife prior to the marriage ceremony.

Letter to an old college friend

Dear Old Friend,

You wrote me at a very interesting time. I looked you up a few months ago -- I saw you got a grant on your research. Congratulations. As for pictures, to my disappointment, you have never been one to show up on the web with images, but there recently has been a young girl who has shown up on the google searches with your name. She is an aspiring actress, and is said to be quite good. She looks nothing like you.

I got married this past Thursday, just a day after the bar exam. Can you believe the timing? My fiancee works as a doctor, and she is from Providence, Rhode Island. We were set up by mutual friends, she moved up here to Denver, got a job, and then we met. I proposed to her after just a few dates.

As you can guess from what I just wrote about the wedding, I also just took the bar exam this past week. I picked up my law school diploma this morning. I can't believe all the studying for the bar exam is over.

As for everything else, there are a lot of pressures on me from all sides to do the things I need to get done in the next few days / few weeks. Everything is changing around me and while it is all very exciting, I have found the need yesterday and today to hide out in my new apartment and not answer phone calls because I am feeling quite stressed with all the things I still need to do. The people who are calling me consist of two main people -- 1) my rabbi who is urging me to prepare spiritually for post-wedding life, and 2) my mom who is upset about the religious customs we had at the wedding and she is wondering when we are going to visit her.

From an objective view everything seems to be right on target. I seem to be doing everything I am supposed to do. My goals are in line, my values match my actions, and yet with everything, I am totally freaking out about the whole experience of being newly post-law school without a job and with a new set of responsibilities that I have undertaken. If you are as intuitive now as you were and you are picking up my high stress levels, you can imagine why I'm pretty high stressed. There are a lot of things I need to get done in the next few weeks.

As for my spiritual path, as I know you've always loved that part of the discussion, I have found meaning in the universe through the dogmatic doctrines of my faith, and I am still delving around in the mass of teachings trying to make sense of the experiences I've had. Some wacky stuff has happened these past few years and it bothers me that religion cannot explain it or at least explain the "how" of it. What weirded me out is that for a while I thought it was all in my head until I took a video recorder and documented my experiences and was surprised to see that they were still there on the video when I played them back. When I tried to show people, they thought I was nuts, the rabbis told me that it cannot be real, and I experienced more pain than anything because immediately I felt alone because I couldn't share my experiences with others who would take me seriously. Huna gives a good explanation of the things I've experienced, and I have continued my fascination with this topic while trying to follow the master plan of how a Jew is ideally supposed to act. I know you were never into this to the degree that I immersed myself into it, but it just seemed right at the time for me to do it, and it has since become a part of me. Anyway, on another level, I've found much interest in the hemi-sync / holosync technologies and I wonder whether there is validity to their methods and applications. This is something I will pursue in the future.

As for everything else, while I have been introduced to EVP and reverse speech and other such topics, I have avoided them quite actively because I have found that whenever I try one of these things, it usually works and so I don't want to attract these kinds of energies to me because most of the energies that surround these kinds of things are violent and are not happy. Recently a psychic walked up to my mom and told her that I can talk with spiritual entities.

The problem is that with what I've learned with Judaism, these aren't the sort of entities I want to be having a relationship with, and so while a few years ago I would have meditated and tried to make contact, recently I've kind of been hiding from the whole experience and have been trying to be normal. So you don't see me meditating or doing anything weird any more, but between you and me, I've kind of figured out the whole energy interaction thing between people and things in nature and have attained a degree of control over it which I think is pretty cool.

Unfortunately, it is still not strong enough to do anything with it (and I don't think it will ever be strong enough) and it can't do anything substantial so I have no use for it other than to wonder exactly what it is, and I can't tell people about it because I feel stupid, especially because of all of the movies that have recently come out on the topic where the experience has been portrayed as a hollywood superpower and so I pretend that it is all in my imagination or that it does not exist. Plus, there is an opinion that I am doing stuff that I shouldn't be doing and I am messing with the natural order of things and that it might have consequences or attract bad things to me. At one point, I thought it was a muscle and if I practiced at it, I would get really good at it and I did, but the application of it in its present state is stupid and amounts to nothing more than a parlor trick which is useless. I wish I understood it. I don't think I ever will.

As for everything else, everybody is okay.

It's always nice hearing from you. You were always an important part of my life and I'm happy that I still occupy your thoughts from time to time.

Warm regards,
Zoe

EVP & Reverse Speech

Oh my gosh, I am totally freaked out. I was just watching "White Noise," a so-so movie with the guy who played the original Batman and in the movie Duplicity.

I was very weirded out by the concept that one can receive communications by listening to the static of a TV set, but then I got to thinking that how cool would it be if it were real. Then... AT THE LAST SCENE OF THE MOVIE... There was a message on the screen saying that:

"7 out of 10 EVP (Electronic Voice Phenomenon) messages contain violent messages."

Huh? You mean this stuff is thought to be real? So then I did a search on google.com for "EVP" and I found a WHOLE BUNCH OF SITES that talk about this "phenomenon" as if it is a real thing. Here are a few just to get you started: ghostpix.com, the skeptic's dictionaary, American Association of Electronic Voice Phenomena.

Holy Smokes! This totally weirded me out, especially from a Judaism point of view. Judaism teaches about the structure of the universe, and it talks about Angels, Demons, Spirits, and non-physical entites, and the laws for and against interacting with them. However, this is all theory -- there is no experiential side to these teachings, at least not for simple people like you and me.

I then surfed from site to site, and I noticed that on some sites they actually had some sound file recordings of the EVP messages and their relevant contexts. I played them, and it weirded me out further. I wondered after playing a few soundbites whether this might attract these unhappy spirits to me and my house, and I wondered what energies would be attracted to it by playing these sound bites. After all, if these non-physical entities are trying to communicate with us, then obviously someone who is paying attention to their existence might attract them. This scared me because from what I know about Judaism, any entity that contacts me here on our level cannot be a good thing, because our physical world (called Asiyah) is in a position only to attract the evil spiritual forces. There is more to this and I am sure my statement will be misunderstood, but this is not the place to go into it.

Bottom line, if this is real, then this is scary for me because it makes very real things that I only thought were in my mind and in my subjective experience. I have been told by countless psychics that I have contact with non-physical entities on a regular basis, but I have always thought [and still do think] that this was all a bunch of bologna.

Anyway, I don't want to be contacted by spiritual entities, and it weirded me out at how easy it was to do so, and I am sure that if I tried this EVP stuff that I would get some massive results because with my hearing and my sensitivity to magnetic sounds and visual distortions (my brain doesn't filter out all the visual impressions that my eyes receive as it should and so I see streaking patterns all day long -- again, a topic not for this post [in fact, I've written about it in the past])... Okay, bottom line, this stuff scares me and the fact that it is somewhat a "science", that scares me even more.

It scares me because it reminds me of a phenomenon I am VERY FAMILIAR WITH called REVERSE SPEAK (a web site describing this can be found here). When I was in college, I analyzed recorded conversations and especially my highly emotional diary entries and I found messages embedded in my own voice that were totally relevant to what was going on at the time of the recording -- but these messages were only found when I played the recordings BACKWARDS. Maybe I'll put a few of them up online in the near future. I spent many weeks working on this project and found significant results to the point that I got weirded out by the whole thing and then stopped it. I also scared a few people along the way.

Another reason I scrapped the project was because I was getting negative messages about the relationship I was in at the time telling me the whole thing wasn't going to work out, and I thought the messages were my imagination. Hindsight, the messages were 100% on target and that relationship totally didn't work out for the exact reasons the reverse messages said they wouldn't.

Anyway, enough weirdness. Back to bar review. I am sort-of uncomfortable with the subject because it might be real.

Webaroo.com

A few quick things.

Firstly, I have 18 days and 5 hours, 8 minutes, and 11 seconds until my bar exam.

Secondly, I am doing well. I am totally in study (cram) mode, and I will expect from myself more than I have asked from myself in many years.

Lastly, there is a site: http://www.webaroo.com
I'm very impressed with their free software, which allows you to have internet access (so to speak) even when you are OFFLINE. Cool, eh?

In sum, much is going on, and I am half asleep and have to wake up in a few hours to meet with my Rabbi to get fitted for a Karpota for the wedding. This is totally exciting.

Lacking Energy to Fly

Just wanted to write an update on my progress. I am totally wiped out from all of the burden the bar exam requires me to bear (that is, if I want to pass), and I have been feeling that lately my energy level has been dipping a bit.

Yes, I did pull an all-nighter and I did get to bed at 7:30am on Tuesday, but I was sort of hoping that my energy would kick in, and it hasn't. I kind of feel like Spider Man in the second movie that while he was flying through the air, he lost his ability to spin webs and shoot them from his wrists and he crashed to the ground.

Luckily, I'm no spider man (although I DO have a huge propensity to get bitten by spiders, and for some weird reason I am always attracting spiders and getting bitten by them, but then again, there are also times that I am sensitive to electricity and I have a tendency to get and give electric shocks quite easily. Along this same line of thought, I can hear a TV turn on with the volume off hundreds of feet away from me. This freaks some people out.)

Anyway, as I was saying, luckily, I'm no spider man. I'm just a simple Chassidic guy who is trying to do my duties to G-d, to my community, to my family, to my friends, and most importantly, to my future wife. I'm trying to stay religious and do as much as I can while the pressures of the bar exam breath down my neck and loom around me while maintaining a healthy relationship with those I love and care about. Sometimes this can be quite a balance.

Anyway, so as it stands, I am lacking the level of energy I would like to have, and thus I am totally exhausted from all the work I've been doing to prepare for the bar exam. I look forward to it being over soon mamesh, Amen.

Nervous Breakdown?

[Sorry for editing this post; I removed a few things that I felt would give away my real identity, and I wrote this blog entry out of frustration.]

I know I'm totally supposed to be positive about everything, but I am so over stressed that I cannot even see straight anymore. Last night, I was talking to my wedding planner, and he was giving us all these catering options, etc., and I told him to STOP IT because I couldn't take it anymore. I felt like I was literally my head was literally going to pop. I'm not kidding.

I am wondering whether I am moving close to a nervous breakdown. I am so overwhelmed that I can't even see straight anymore.

Here are my issues:
1. I don't have a handle on the money issue regarding how my Callah and I are going to pay for the wedding, and we have not yet had the discussion on whether we have the same beliefs about how money is to be handled. We also haven't discussed exactly how we plan to pay for living expenses and this is stressing me out.

2. I feel that there are so many things that need to be done on both my end and on her end, and this is overwhelming me, especially because 180% of my time is taken up by studying for the bar exam.

3. There are some basic ways as a Chosson and Callah are supposed to be interacting during the engagement period, and we are walking the fine line between the type of relationship that secular lovers have versus the relationship that a chassidic Chosson and Callah would have.

Point being, steam is coming out of my ears and pressure is being felt behind my eyes SO MUCH that I fear that if I don't relax, I might actually break down. When I said I feel like I am going to pop, I am NOT KIDDING.

There is just so much to do to study for the bar exam. At first, I was just reading my bar review notes until our lecturer strongly spoke to me and told me that if I don't consistently do practice essays and MBE questions, I am guaranteed to fail. So now I switched my study method from just reading and memorizing the notes to doing problems, but there is SO MUCH to do. I feel like I'll never catch up.

A Soldier's Burden

I found this cartoon from coxandforkum.com to be quite smart.

I was just looking at my blogger archives, and it seems like there are no entries for April of this year. Did I not write anything for a whole month??

Bedbugs? Carpetbugs?

WTF? I fell asleep last night lying on my dad's carpet because I was working on doing adaptibar.com bar review questions in the living room on the laptop. This morning and all day since waking up, I've been totally itchy as if I'm being bitten by mosquitos. What's going on?

Former Google.com Logos

While surfing on Life of Rubin's site, he posted an article noting that Google didn't put a custom logo for Memorial Day as they customarily do for many other holidays. I followed his link to google.com's site which included images of past custom google logos that were put on the google site during the various holidays. I experienced some pleasure going through these. The link to the site can be found here. I even remembered some of them when as they were used.

Darn, it's 4:32 am and the birds just started chirping outside and I haven't even started my studying for my exam in a few hours. I guess I will stay up all night. I better get cracking!

I must note that I've had a blast tonight blogging and writing. Plus, with all the web surfing I did tonight, I've learned a lot about the projects I'm currently working on.

Book Shelf Content and Image Analysis

I get a kick out of looking at people's book shelves to see which kinds of books they have and the particular order in which their shelves are organized. For example, I was entertained by the picture on Greg Gershman's site. I enjoyed the selection of Torah books, and the way his secular books were mixed in with them. His shelf reminds me of my book shelf, and because I think quite highly of my book selection, I also think highly of his. I told him that I would be interested in seeing the full picture, because you can learn a lot about a person by looking at the selection of books on his book shelf.

By the way, if any of you would be interested in e-mailing me pictures of your book shelves at home, I would be happy to post your picture on my site with my character analysis of you based on the books contained in your bookshelf and their organization. Of course this doesn't obligate me to do so, but if I found the time, I would really enjoy doing it because I enjoy this kind of stuff. Keep in mind that I need to be able to see and recognize the titles of the books, so if you e-mail me a picture where I can't see the books, I won't necessarily be able to give you my character analysis of you.

Additionally, I have been known to be quite on target by looking at a picture of a person and giving my opinion of their character by reading their facial characteristics. I do this for my own personal enjoyment, yet the people I've done it for have been quite impressed with my interpretations.

Warm regards,
Zoe

Petition to Bring Moshiach Now!!

In the "Boker Tov, Boulder" blog, I saw a post about a petition to bring Moshiach. The petition link is HERE. My opinion is that it is a cute idea, and it doesn't hurt to sign it. I can't see how it can have any effect, especially since people will undoubtably question the validity of the document. However, maybe G-d will be surfing the internet one day soon and will come across the petition and decide to listen to our desires. May Moshiach come now! -Zoe

Yetzer Hara: New Wikipedia Entry

The "Yetzer Hara" is the Hebrew word for the "evil inclination." Over time, there have been many opinions as to exactly WHAT it is, however all opinions agree WHAT it does. The function of the yetzer hara is to cause a Jew to sin, which means to transgress either Torah Law or Rabbinic Law.

The yetzer hara has been known to be one of the most clever entities to rule a person, and it is very smart the way it causes a person to sin. The yetzer hara fights for control over a Jew's will, and it seeks to influence the Jew to act against G-d's will at every opportunity that it can.

There is a parable that appropriately describes the Yetzer Hara. There once was a king who hired a harlot to test out his future son-in-law's loyalty and fidelity to his daughter. He told the harlot that her function is to work her hardest to cause the son-in-law to give into his desires with the harlot and to tempt him to participate in acts of infidelity with her. Both the king and the harlot both hoped and prayed that the future son-in-law would not give in to her temptress advances.

In the process of completing the king's instructions, the harlot was permitted to assign and she assigned her duties to another harlot with the instructions from the king to cause the son-in-law to give in to her advances. That harlot assigned her duties to another harlot with the same instructions, and so on. Eventually, the instructions were passed from one harlot to another, and eventually, the desire that the son-in-law resist the harlot's advances were lost. The only purpose of the harlot was to cause the son-in-law to indulge and give in to her advances.

In this parable, the king is G-d, the son-in-law is the Jew, and the harlot is the Yetzer Hara.

In truth, even the Yetzer Hara while tempting the Jew to sin by trying to get the Jew to violate one of G-d's commandments is serving G-d by doing His will.

The role of the Jew is to weaken the Yetzer Hara by not giving in to its temptations.

Further, the Yetzer Hara becomes stronger when a Jew indulges in activities, even permitted activities. Therefore, it is a practice for a Jew who is wishing to wage war with his Yetzer Hara [to weaken it] to obstain from activities that he finds that he or she is attracted to. The most common example when this concept is being taught is to abstain from indulging in a steak, or in ice cream, or in sexual acts with one's spouse, even though these activities are permitted.

Side Note: In Yeshiva, I used to find it so funny and yet disturbing that the Rabbis, when teaching us about not indulging in our sexual desires would use the example of not indulging in cake. Us bochurim (rabbinical students) used to joke around with each other and talk about what the reprocussions are for eating and for not eating the cake. In my opinion, there is no similarity between cake and a sexual desire. Chocolate is good, but not that good.

Negelvasser: New Wikipedia Entry

"Negelvasser" has it's source in the Yiddish Language. It is the washing cup that is used to remove the impurities that have come upon the hands of a Jew through contact with forbidden objects or through the impurity that rests upon one's hands upon awaking from sleep (that is longer than 20 minutes), because sleep is akin to 1/60th of death according to Jewish Law.

The cup has to be able to carry a certain amount of water, and it should have two handles.

There are two ways to use the negelvasser, and that depends on your purpose.

The first way is the general and most common use of the cup, which is to remove impurities from the hands that have come upon them. This first way of washing is done after waking up from a state of sleep, after going to the bathroom, taking a shower, engaging in sexual relations, or any other appropriate use. The prevailing custom is to pour water over the right hand first, and then to pour water over the left. While halacha (Jewish Law) requires a minimum of two times for each hand, according to Kabbalah, and Chassidic (including Chabad) customs, one should wash each hand THREE times.

The second way to use the negelvasser is when you intend to have a meal, which means you wash your hands and then you say the "...al netilas yadayim" beracha (blessing) over your hands. You then proceed to take a piece of bread (or during the Sabbath, two full challas or two challah rolls), put them together, and say the "...hamotzi lechem min ha'aretz" beracha (blessing) over the meal you are about to eat, and then you dip the bread into salt three times (some have the custom to pour the salt over the bread, however the dipping is more proper according to Kaballah.) The way to wash here is to first pour water three (or two, minimum) over the right hand, and then to pour water over the left hand three (or two) times, and then say the beracha. Keep in mind, when saying this kind of beracha and taking part in this kind of meal, you are obligated to also say the after-berachas for the meal, also called in Yiddish, "bentching".

Okay, it's 2:36am and I am totally exhausted, yet I have so much more work to do for tomorrow's exam. I don't want to fall asleep because then I won't be prepared for the exam and all I want is to get past tomorrow's exam with flying colors. This is the second night in a row that I have stayed up. I'm going to enjoy a nice nap tomorrow.

Who is a Jew?

[This blog entry was pasted from a comment I wrote to TikkunGer as a response to people challenging him on his Reform conversion into Judaism. The link to the actual articles are here and here. As a disclaimer, I want to point out that I am not an expert on conversions into Judaism, and so please do your own research and consult a proper rabbinic authority before relying on anything I have written here.]

MY ORIGINAL COMMENT:
TG,
The conflicts you’re facing are coming from the point of view that most Reform conversions aren’t done according to the requirements of Jewish law, and thus they (each considered on an individual basis) are not valid. On another note, choosing to be Jewish isn’t like choosing to be a vegetarian. The conversion process is probably the most important thing to do properly and strictly (even if you have to do it over again if your original conversion wasn’t kosher), and most Reform Jews don’t know the law or even think it has any validity and are not a reliable source for conversion. As a Jew (or as a neophyte), playing sides with Reform versus Conservative versus Orthodox when it comes to a conversion will only get you in trouble. It’s probably best to do it in a way that nobody will have an issue with your conversion, and then resume living as a Jew according to how you see fit.

[Hindsight, TikkunGer commented that lying that one would keep shabbos, kosher, etc., when he has no intention of doing so just so he can get an orthodox conversion would be a conversion in bad faith, and it would probably be void anyway. I agree with him. However, when I said "in a way that nobody will have an issue with your conversion," I was referring to the actual ACT of conversion should be done in the strictest way possible. It is totally possible that the conversion requires as one of the acts a promise to keep the Torah and its commandments -- keep in mind, I have never converted, so I don't know exactly what is done -- and if that were the case, converting with the intent of not keeping the commandments would be committing a fraud which would probably void the conversion. My point, however, is that the conversion needs to satisfy the elements of what is needed for a conversion to be kosher l'chatchila / bidieved. If a necessary element is missing from this equasion, then the conversion is not valid, no matter which sect performs the conversion.]

MY RESPONSE TO HIS REPLY:
TG,
I should say that I am honored that this blog title was kind of in my honor. I read your description of your conversion process, and there are basic physical activities that must be done for the conversion to take place. That being said, it is highly possible that you have completed those physical actions.

I do know that as you said, the orthodox community requires you in addition to take upon the commandments of a Jew, such as kashrut, shabbos, and family purity. I'm guessing it mirrors the acceptance of the Torah and the commandments as is what happened on Mount Sinai a few thousand years ago. However, if it ever became important for you to know whether your conversion was proper (I'll explain why in a sec), I would call the local rabbi and I would describe the details of your conversion. It is possible that you might have already done what was necessary.

Anyway, I knew that my comment in the last post would probably spawn some controversy, but I think that a friendly challenge or poke from time to time is healthy so that you can truly know where you are standing and why, as I believe you do.

There is the concept of being culturally Jewish, and then there is the concept of being matriarically Jewish (yes, through a Jewish mother), of which this second status can be achieved by a conversion into the faith. If during your life you realized that your identity is that of a Jew, I would posit that G-d has, in His infinite wisdom and for a purpose, put the holy spark of a Jew inside of you, BUT He caused you to be born into a non-Jewish body, probably for a reason. It is possible that there was an extra purification that needed to be done specifically through YOUR conversion to Judaism, and that act alone could be the reason you were put on this Earth; after all, as you said, too many people are born Jewish, but they don't have the slightest idea of what that means. I think you pursuing a conversion to make your body match your soul was the proper direction to take.

As for my comment to Ami, yes, the PREREQUISITE for being a Jew and for your children to be Jewish is that your wife be born Jewish of a Jewish mother, or that she be Jewish through a kosher conversion (meaning that the physical activities that constitute a conversion were completed). If the conversion isn't done properly, then you cause a whole bunch of problems for yourself and your soul. For example, if I remember correctly, a non-Jew is forbidden to keep Shabbos.

You are right in your observation that there is a problem in Judaism today in that we are in exile, and there is no central authority to determine what is proper and what is not proper. Of course, there is the Code of Jewish Law (the Shulchan Auruch), but the problem is that branches of Judaism have disavowed their allegience to the law and they are serving G-d in whatever way "they" want to serve Him. These people serving G-d however they feel most comfortable -- them being by their nature physical and limited in both intellect and understanding -- they are not serving G-d the way He has told us he wants us to serve him. Even the non-Jews agree that G-d gave the Jews instructions on how to serve him, and G-d gave the Torah to the Jews. This deviation from precedent is wherein lies the problem.

If, for example, your wife told you that she needed to HEAR that you loved her in order for her to feel loved, and you instead bought her gifts, but you never told her you loved her, or, if you gave her hugs but you never told her you loved her, you must ask yourself 1) do I love my wife? The answer is probably ABSOLUTELY YES. However, if you ask yourself 2) am I communicating my love for my wife in a way that she will receive that love? [by TELLING her you love her], the answer will be NO. Loving your wife YOUR WAY and not HER WAY is not going to make her feel loved. Wouldn't you want to communicate your love to your wife in a way that she will feel that love? If not, and you are loving her for your benefit and not hers, then your love is not for her, but for yourself.

This is the same when it comes to the different sects in Judaism. There are certain commandments that G-d told us he wants us Jews to do and to abstain from, as is codified in the Torah, the Oral Torah, and the Shulchan Aruch. Us disregarding that and serving him however we feel fit, but not doing the commandments he asked of us is not serving Him; it is serving ourselves.

It is a problem today that there are sects that have taken it upon themselves to omit and/or change certain parts of the Torah. Certain sects have even (G-d forbid) taken G-d's name out of the Torah and out of the prayer books. Other sects have come to the conclusion that the Torah is only a man-made story and there was no Mount Sinai nor was there a Noah, a flood, or a Moses. These people call themselves Jews (and many of them may be Jewish based on their heritage as long as they haven't intermarried to a non-Jewish wife and had non-Jewish kids) and yet they go around calling themselves Jews but metaphorically spitting in G-d's face by 1) not accepting his Torah and by 2) not doing his commandments. Yet they still have Friday night meals and they still cook bagels and lox, have matzah balls in their soup, and say "oy vey". This doesn't make them Jewish. Being Jewish or not is very specific. And this being said, it is possible that you MAY VERY WELL BE JEWISH without any question or doubt.

Do you see the difference between being a Jew and acting and feeling Jewish? Even Hitler (may G-d erase his name from history) killed practicing Christians and members of many faiths based on the sole fact that someone up the matriarichal line was Jewish, therefore they were Jewish whether they practiced the faith or not.

That is why I said that regardless of with whom you did (or do) the conversion, as long as the elements of a conversion have been satisfied and the right things have been done, your conversion is kosher and you are a Jew.

Pascal's Religious Logic

Pascal's Logic Applied to Religion: If you choose to believe in G-d and practice your religion 100% and you are WRONG and there is no afterlife, when you die, life and consciousness will just cease and you'll never know you were wrong.

If you choose to believe in G-d and practice a religion and you are RIGHT, then you get all the spiritual benefits, you get to practice your religion and go to heaven, and you can ask (pray) for G-d's help while you're alive. The downside is then you have a duty to follow G-d's commandments.

I'd rather make the mistake of being religious. Worst case, I'm on line to get into heaven, and I and the others on line with me peep ahead to see my Creator at the pearly gates, and I someone says, "oh, sh**! It's Buddah!" :)

In all seriousness, I haven't slept tonight because I'm pulling an all-nighter for one of my law school exams. The logic above while it works for me has been rejected by Rabbis because b'kitzur (in short,) there is a problem with the mindset because the focus is on yourself and the benefits YOU get from choosing right or wrong (which is selfish) without focusing on the real purpose of being religious, namely to serve G-d in love and fear and to build a dwelling place for him in our physical world, the lowest of all worlds. [Just a bit of chassidus to cheer up your day.] ;)

On second thought, I think that now is not the time to be falling in love. Now is the time to fill my head with Torah and to prepare for married life and to keep my priorities straight.

I also have a serious undertaking to accomplish. I need to graduate law school by passing the two remaining final exams and I need to study hard to pass the bar exam or else I won't get a job and I will not be able to support her and I will be an unemployed loser and I would never respect myself if I wasn't able to hold my own financially.

All this said, I am in love.