Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Shidduch Date with Alter-Ego

Today was either a mediocre day or an amazing, action-packed, exciting day depending how I look at it.

The usual events -- I'm falling behind in Patent Practice class because I'm avoiding doing the homeworks because they are so complex and everything is piling up on me. It's Thursday already tomorrow and I feel that I won't have time to do both the homework for Creditor's Rights (Bankruptcy) and Patent Practice, and since I let one course's homework assignment slide last week, I think I'll maybe let the other course's homework assignment slide tomorrow and I'll catch up on Patent Practice. I just have to bite the bullet and just get to work. No distractions.

I visited my mother today. We spoke about the Shidduch date I recently had where I still haven't found out if the woman wants to continue dating or not. Our last date was magnificent, or so I thought it was until -- and I really have no other way to explain this --
the real me came out.

If I were schitzophrenic that would have been a perfect explanation for what happened because my demeaner changed, I got quiet, I lost that smooth, eloquent conversational ability that I had most of the date, and my heart opened up -- for the first time in many years -- and it reached out and connected with her. I felt vulnerable, emotional, and I was hoping she didn't notice the change.

She did notice that I was having a very difficult time expressing my thoughts and that I wasn't quite making sense. This change happened all in the course of seconds.

The only way I could explain it was that it felt like an alter-ego that was hiding beneath my skin decided for the first time in many years that it was safe to come out and say hello to the other person. I haven't felt so open with someone since before I became religious.

Nevertheless, I still don't understand what happened. I'm really embarassed about this. And the timing was so terrible that as soon as this happened, we reached our destination and I dropped her off... The thought that went through my mind was, "she must think that either I'm really brilliant, or I'm crazy." I wish the date didn't end the way it did.

1 comment:

Zoe Strickman said...

On a good note, she said yes to continuing. This whole ordeal was in my head.