I'm getting nervous that so many hundreds of people have read the "love letter" that I wrote last night to the woman I was dating. I don't know what did it, but my hit counter spiked which made me think "uh, oh... people probably read the article and thought that they knew the specific person I was writing about, and so now we probably have a few hundred women who read this letter thinking that I was writing about them."
I apologize to all the men out there who will now be questioned within the next week on their next shidduch date whether they wrote the letter I wrote last night. I hope I am not one of those questioned because then my secret identity as Zoe Strickman will be down the drain and I will be as naked and exposed as ever.
From another point of view, it occurred to me after I wrote the letter that perhaps I was looking too deep into a situation which might really be a simple one. What if she is just a normal girl and there is nothing so secret about her or her past? What if I've deduced all these thoughts in my head, and she really wasn't hurt at all in her past, and is just waiting for the right moment to open up to me? What if she is already ready to open up to me and I'm just pushing too hard? What if in reality she's a genuinely good girl without any baggage, and I'm just searching for things that are not really there because I fear finding them because I don't want to be hurt? These are all things I should take into consideration.
I suppose she probably wouldn't want to date me anymore if she learned that I was thinking all of this and was so full of insecurities. I just really want things to work out properly, and from my experience, life is so random that things go wrong so quickly for the stupidest reasons. I have a hard time accepting it when something good is happening in my life because things in my past have always gone sour. I wish to G-d that this was all in my head, and that I stop thinking so much and that I just learn to enjoy spending time with her without all of my calculations and maneuvers. I wish things could just work out.