Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Thriving with Instability, but Choosing Stability.

It's morning and Adam Plotch wrote me back. As I was writing him back this morning, I remembered how we knew eachother; it was an opera or a music show written by Carl Strommen called "My Heart's In The Highland" which was being played at NYU. Adam had [I think] the lead role; I was the whistler. It was during that play where after spending night after night together rehearsing, we became friends. It feels good now understanding how we were in touch, because for a while it was a mystery to me. I actually think it was there where our parents met and became friends.

It was also during that play that I met Gian Carlo Menotti, who I was convinced must have been dead for many years because he was the one who wrote "Amahl and the Night Visitors," an opera I played the lead role in; I remember thinking, "How can a man who was still alive write an opera?" I still remember every word and note of his opera. I also remember being spooked about meeting him because I was sure that he was a ghost.

Lastly and possibly most importantly, it was at that last play that I met Jack Lemmon, who was my favorite actor. I suspect now that it was him that arranged for my audition with the Lord of the Flies movie. He told me with confidence in his words that he could see me being a great actor and that if there was ever any way that he could help me, I should give him a call and he'll set me up with the right people. Throughout my years in grade school and high school, I always held his promise in my heart thinking that after I graduated, I would get in touch with him and start up my acting career again. I was heartbroken when I learned in 2001 that he died, because along with his death, my dream to get back into music and the arts also died.

Anyway, as I keep telling myself, I am meant to be a lawyer now, not an actor (although in its essence, aren't all lawyers actors?). Although, I have pictures next to my desk of scenes from various operas that moved my heart and that still cause me to think deeply whether the path I have taken with law (and religion) was the straight path, the correct path, or simply the safe route. In my heart I feel a pit at the botttom of my solar plexus telling me that I could be more, and that I could do more. However, my heart and my head tell me to quit whining and to accept the path I have taken because it will lead to a happy life and a stable existence. It is a calculated existence. I have never been one to thrive in stability, and it is davka (specifically) the instability where I shine and I function the best.


Rowan said...

you've been tagged!!!!

Rowan said...

oh did you just recently changed your music to The point of no return? Just noticed, how appropos since your dreams an all.

Rowan said...

You have to ultimately do what makes you happy, but I know firsthand how hard it is to figure out what that is.