Friday, September 02, 2005
A Waste of A Second Bar Experience.
I am too tired to write about the whole night, but I'll give you the gist of it. I went out again thinking that the kind of dancing that happened last week would happen again. Wrong. The place was dead, and I was bored, and the night just wasn't how I expected it to be and I was disappointed.
I took a few drinks, and each beer I drank, I counted an hour before I knew I could drive. Nobody was dancing except for some snobby lesbian-looking girls and other girls who were dancing with themselves in the mirror. So I closed my eyes and I wished that I was dancing with someone who actually cared about dancing, and in my head in very small steps, I fantasized what it would be like to dance with someone who knew what she was doing.
Side note, being religious, I felt it was proper not to wear a white shirt, tzitzis (shirt fringes), and a kippah (head covering) to the bar. I didn't want to send the message that it was okay for a religious person to be there. So I wore an orange button down shirt that I got from Lord & Taylor with rolled up sleeves and a white tanktop with off-white suspenders holding up my black pants, and a beige West Point (army) baseball cap. I think I even looked Cuban; in fact, I was sure I looked Cuban.
Just as I was getting into dancing on my own, a FRUM (religious) friend from law school walked into the bar with another Jew who I have been trying to mekarev (bring closer to Jewish observance). He couldn't believe I was there -- it was awkward -- and I couldn't believe he was there. I told him not to judge me for being here and I continued dancing. He bought me a drink which put me over the 2:30am sober driving time [I estimated that the drink wouldn't leave my body making driving safe until 2:30am at 1 hour per shot of alcohol].
I danced with a girl who then asked me whether I was shomer negiah (whether I touched women). I told her that I am. She saw me trying to figure out the latin steps with the crappy club / bar music they were playing. She made a comment asking me if I was trying to figure out how to dance. I just agreed with her and our conversation ended because 1) I was a bit intoxicated and I couldn't understand what she was saying, 2) I was listening to the music and my mind was somewhere else, and 3) I couldn't hear her.
After the dance floor became empty again, I walked to where people were sitting and talking. I sat down at a table where I didn't know anyone. Three guys got very excited and asked me if I was Matisyahu, the Hasidic Regge Rapper. I thought their question was cute, because to secular people, all of us Lubavicher bearded guys look the same. I finally had a conversation with an ex-marine who told me that he just got into a motorcycle accident and that he's been thinking about G-d a lot lately, and he was glad that he saw me because by seeing me, he decided that he is going to become more religious because G-d saved his life. Could I have somehow had some good influence on another Jew right after sinning with booze, beer, and touching women while dancing? It would be funny if by hashgocha pratis (divine providence), reaching him was the reason this whole bar experience happened. His name was Aaron.
Anyway, I wasn't so thrilled with the night. In fact, I was so bored that I would have had more fun had I not gone. However, the moments of tonight (seeing other frum guy at bar, being asked if I was shomer negiah , being asked if I was Matisyahu, and if I wasn't, whether I knew him, and the conversation I had with a few friends from school about past drug experiences. So many people couldn't believe that I was out, however, because the scene was so boring, I don't know if I will continue this rebellion with drinking and going out. It's not Chossidish (a place that a religious person should be at). If I am sinning, I want to have fun sinning, and this wasn't fun. What is the purpose of committing a sin if the sin doesn't bring any enjoyment?
I practiced today for an hour what my "Piano Greatness" friend from high school taught me on the piano last night. I am starting to get it. It will take months to perfect these new techniques. I would have rather spent my night practicing. If I didn't do good for another Jew, tonight will have been a total waste.
I waited in my car for 30 minutes before driving home because I didn't want to get arrested for DWI. I had a conversation with my brother who was just coming home from a Green Day concert. I left at 2:30am, one hour after the bar closed, and half hour after I calculated that I was legally sober just in case I got pulled over [I have a tendency to attract police officers, so I wanted to be careful because after law school, I stand before the character and fitness board. Anything bad I get caught doing, they see.]