[Edited for Privacy. E-mail me if you have any questions.]
I felt that Daphnewood's comment to my last post and my response to it deserved its own space and emphasis.
Zoe Strickman said...
Thank you for the feedback. All of what you said is true, even about the colored shirt. Yesterday I wore a maroon sweater and lo and behold, a close friend of my rabbi walked by me, noticed me and the fact that I was on a date, smiled, and continued walking. I didn't die as I thought I would, but the colored sweater will require a slight explanation when I will just happen to see him tonight for the Lag B'Omer campfire.
As for the cow and the milk, I smiled when I read your comment because that was EXACTLY what was on my mind during our date last night. She kept asking me if we could do X, or if I could come over for Y, and I kept saying "when the time is appropriate," meaning when she buys the cow [the idea of us]. It is funny how it is me here that is holding back from allowing the experience to be all that it can be, but I don't want it to be taken for granted that we can date forever. Also, despite my calculated mistake in bringing her out to dinner, I don't want her to think that there is no reason to get engaged because we are doing all the fun things now in the courting stage [although as of now I am having a difficult time distinguishing how the two stages would be different other than emotionally]. I feel that there should be some certainty between us before we start engaging in those kinds of activities. It is only fair, and in my sense of justice, it is only proper. I wouldn't expect anything different from her.
Not to make light of your situation but it reminds me of my mom saying "no one will buy the cow if it gives out the milk for free". She would say this to try to convince me to stay pure before marriage. How my innocence compared to the buying/selling of a cow still eludes me but it makes me laugh. Anyway, when you said 'it cheapens the experience' it brought it all back to me. You are afraid she won't commit because you're giving the milk for free. (I am just laughing while writing this) Again, I am not trying to make light of your situation. I was just struck by the difference in standards at what constitutes as chastity. To me, you sound like a man in love. Love makes everyone do some crazy things including going out to dinner and wearing colored shirts ;) If that wasn't enough proof the methodical time keeping (i.e. 60 hours together) is a dead giveaway!