Sunday, May 08, 2005

Scorched by the Phantom

I am feeling a bit of pain and anticipation at the same time. Once more an alternate future has been cast out from my life and my future has been shaped by my decisions. People move together or apart based on whether they make the same pictures. I might have been left alone with mine, to bask in it without a partner still. Who would have thought that my path requires such discipline to maintain, and that this discipline would be an acidic poison puddle that would scold the feet of anyone who was not a proper partner who tried to walk by my side? An angel blocks their way, fills them with fear, tempts them with their desires of their secular past of which they left behind, and tells them that life will be fun no more.

Why is it such a big deal to separate one's self from the electrons, the light beams, and the deafening radiation that fills the desires of so many people who crave to be numbed? Don't they realize that television might as well be knives and razor blades shot out from the glass of the screen? If people only heard the high frequency sounds that I hear when I am near a television, they would turn it off and they would never look back.

But there is a small possibility that I might be rejected by a wonderful angel of a potential wife because in her picture there is a television in the living room and in my picture there is not. Would you think that it was ever contemplated by Sony or Zenith or HDTV that a person would choose the idea of having a television in their house over the opportunity of having a loving husband and the promise of a life of warmth, excitement, and meaningful experiences? Why would someone contemplate throwing away the possibility for a real life of their own so that they could attach themselves to the lives of a fictional sitcom characters? Other than the deafening sound and the poisonous radiation that oozes from television screens stunting our existence, sapping our energy, and poisoning our minds with junk -- why would someone choose that death over me who believes in living life to the fullest, experiencing life from the first person, and leading a truthful existence? Am I that unattractive?

During the fourteen hours I have spent with this angel, I looked deep into her eyes over one hundred times. What I saw was her looking back at me, penetrating any mask that may have shown up in the course of our many conversations. I gasped many times and my heart beat rapidly on countless occasions. Was this not shared? Is television -- an inanimate object that teaches a fantasy world -- my nemesis? Is this technology my enemy against which I should rage?

I might have lost an angel of music to the phantom of a television sitcom. If this has happened, I think I would cry. She will be calling my people tomorrow with her decision of whether to continue our magical encounters or whether to recede into the depths of lifelessness by choosing a show over a life with me. Free will. Television. G-dliness. Emptiness. Truth. Mendacities. Choice. Choice.


ariadneK, Ph.D. said...

Well, I'm a little confused (perhaps you can more succinctly express by what you mean, because: the same things that would make television a "bad thing" to bring into your life would also make any/all non-work-related internet activity (including blogging) shunned by ultra-orthodox individuals. I actually saw an article somewhere on the internet awhile back (I will dig around for the link if you like, it should not be too hard to find though if you decide to check yourself) where several ultra-orthodox rabbis in new york spoke out against the abomination of internet use by followers. What is your opinion?


Zoe Strickman said...

I didn't realize I answered this comment on your comment in the newer article with the signpost as its picture.

In short, the problem is time-wasting. As a fellow blogger, you know this could be a massive time drainer, and it has been. However, the end goal is also important, and since the end goal here is 1) to serve as a diary, 2) for self-growth and understanding, and 3) to affect others, blogging for the purposes you and I have used it for seem to have a very useful effect. After all, as you and I know from our private e-mails, your one blog entry has had an eye-opening life-altering effect. I can only imagine how many others have been touched by your blog entries. For this reason and the reasons I mentioned above, blogging would be permissible.

ariadneK, Ph.D. said... have yours. I have thought about so many things since stumbling upon your blog (and yes, you are only one of 2 blogs linked from my site that are not bipolar ones...I only put those I love and HAVE to keep up on there). I still think you should consider (even if as a side-project) publishing your ordeals. Many people would pick up such a book, and I think it would feel good for you to write as well.


MJ420 said...

Hi! From the comment you left on my blog I knew we'd have a lot to talk about...

Television, albeit some of it raunchy & useless, can also be used to bring good things into your life. It can show love, understanding & the good side of humanity that we so often do not get to see.

I'm sorry that this person you so liked does not have the same ideals as you, but fret not... She.. will come.

Zoe Strickman said...

[I will leave this same message on your site to make sure you see it.]

These are all things we deal with, some more than others, some in other ways from other sources of pain.

The truth is that we can only use the experiences that have been dealt to us to become stronger so that we can benefit others and shield them from things such as we experienced, even if our way of doing so is simply breaking the chain so that we do not hand over to our children the bad cards we were dealt. Sometimes that is all that it takes.

Who knows if me becoming religious will do the trick. I can find you a few blogs which will talk about Chassidic men beating and abusing their wives and children. Religion isn't the solution. It is only a piece of the answer, at least for me. The rest of the solution has to come from within.