Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Reflections on Shidduch

[Edited for her privacy. E-mail me if you have any questions.]

...I feel bad for the state of things, and it has been explained to me that she broke it off not because of the television or the clothing issues, but because she couldn't commit to living a religious life with me.

...There is a limit to how many times a person can violate my trust before I can no longer offer it. There comes a threshold point where my openness and willingness to move forward with a relationship changes from a yes to a no. I do not feel comfortable anymore because I no longer believe that she is the kind of person that can be trusted. The last thing that I would want is a broken enagement, or to make plans for a wedding that wouldn't happen because she backs out. If I thought it could work out then I would give my trust and my love unconditionally, but I don't believe that she is credible anymore.

The last thought about this is that if she told me tomorrow that she made a mistake and that she wanted to continue with me and that she wanted to get engaged to be married, I would not believe her or trust that she was telling me the truth. She lost my trust because last night I gave her my love and she rejected it, and therefore I am heartbroken because along with my trust, she has also lost me.


Rowan said...

What can I say? There's nothing right now is there that will ease this pain? I suggest letting time heal you, and unfortunately, I think you might be right about her. She doesn't seem to have found maturity in what she wants out of life, she sounds confused. Maybe if she's available in a few months time, she could be trusted again? Maybe this was all moving too fast for her? Arrgghh, here I go making excuses for her when there really is no excuse in the end. I feel great sorrow for your pain. This too shall pass.

Behind A Door said...

Merely checking out your blog... and I feel terrible for you... :( People shouldnt lead you on...