Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Reflections on Shidduch
[Edited for her privacy. E-mail me if you have any questions.]
...I feel bad for the state of things, and it has been explained to me that she broke it off not because of the television or the clothing issues, but because she couldn't commit to living a religious life with me.
...There is a limit to how many times a person can violate my trust before I can no longer offer it. There comes a threshold point where my openness and willingness to move forward with a relationship changes from a yes to a no. I do not feel comfortable anymore because I no longer believe that she is the kind of person that can be trusted. The last thing that I would want is a broken enagement, or to make plans for a wedding that wouldn't happen because she backs out. If I thought it could work out then I would give my trust and my love unconditionally, but I don't believe that she is credible anymore.
The last thought about this is that if she told me tomorrow that she made a mistake and that she wanted to continue with me and that she wanted to get engaged to be married, I would not believe her or trust that she was telling me the truth. She lost my trust because last night I gave her my love and she rejected it, and therefore I am heartbroken because along with my trust, she has also lost me.