Monday, May 30, 2005

Integration of Self

[Edited for her privacy. E-mail me if you have any questions.]

I can feel that the old me is beginning to re-surface. I am coming to terms with my religious questions and things are beginning to make sense. For me, the picture below signifies (in likeness to how I used to look, and in my eyes, how I used to see myself) the person I was before I became religious. The fact that those parts of me are beginning to surface once again, but now in a religious form, leads me to believe that I am starting to integrate my past with my present. There is no longer such a disconnect between my life as a religious person and my former life as a secular person; they no longer look so different, and with this new integration, I am still keeping with the Jewish observances and the Chassidic (ultra orthodox) mindsets that highly influence a person's eyes and how that person sees the world. Religion was never meant to limit the person's life, but rather, to enhance it by promoting healthy attitudes and adding nourishing actions to a person's spiritual life (avodah) that would keep his life in order and that would shield him from bad influences. This effect should be true for any religion.

I believe strongly that movies do not belong in a married home because of the influences that come along with the movies. Couples see romantic films and then get depressed at how their perceived boring, uneventful lives are. Movies and television can cause shalom bayis (peaceful home) problems between a man and a woman, especially because most of the women on the movies are beautiful, sexy, lascivious, and have more dripping / oozing sensuality than any normal stable relationship. Plus, I feel that men should simply not be staring or thinking about these beautiful, lascivious, sexy women for hours at a time; it is simply unhealthy for the marriage. The only woman in a man's eyes should be his beautiful wife.

There are also unconscious effects by watching a movie, such as becoming indoctrinated with the message of the writer; after all, most writers have a specific reason and message when they write a movie. This comes through the screen and programs the viewer who is in almost a state of hypnosis throughout the whole movie and is susceptible to any message the writer wants to convey. The images get burned into the viewer's subconscious, and they stay there having their effects long after the movie is over. There are also spiritual effects, specifically because a movie enters through the eyes of the viewer and can affect the soul and can directly influence the person's desires. Maybe more on this another time.


Daphnewood said...

Zoe, please don't take this the wrong way but maybe it is time for you to focus on the things on God's DO list instead of the DONT list. Often we restrict ourselves so much worrying about all the things we shouldn't do and forget about all the important things God says we should do. Love her, Zoe. Don't try to change her. You honor HIM by loving her. Wife or not, love her as your angel, as God sees her. I can tell from your posts that she is loving you in this way, she agonizes that you may be compromising the true you. My heart is breaking for her.

Rowan said...

Zoe, I am concerned because I sense that she'll see you are being false to yourself. She will want what is best for both of you and giving into your beliefs on marriage (and it sounds like movies really IS a big issue for you) isn't good for either of you in the end. I wish you the best luck for this stage.

Zoe Strickman said...

Rowan, I am confused because you wrote this comment ten minutes after you read the blog entry that it is over between me and her; she broke it off, and there was nothing more that I could do. I couldn't save us.