Saturday, May 14, 2005

"Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"

Tonight I saw the movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" again for the third time. I enjoy paying attention to every detail of the movie because it reminds me about how every part of my life and every obstacle in my way is a clue and a sign from above. I am always saddened by this movie because I can relate to how parts of my past have been erased and can never return to my present. In the movie, the problems they had with each other were real, and yet in spite of their differences, the love that they felt for each other brought them together again. I felt their connection.

I often feel like my life is empty without love. I have memories of my past, but they are so far removed that I have a difficult time reconnecting to them. They seem like faint memories as if they happened to somebody else. In my quiet solitude, I remember the laughing and warm feelings and the intense emotions that went along with my stormy relationships. And yet as a result of my present loneliness, I crave to regain some of those feelings I once had. It is sad and pathetic that at my present state of mind, I am swept up and away by the slightest interest a woman takes in me.

In the movie, Jim Carrey said "Why do I fall in love with every woman that smiles in my direction?" My connection to this statement indicates to me that I am looking for any excuse to allow myself to feel those feelings again. I have an intense longing to no longer be alone; I want to reach out. But it hurts that when I reach out with open arms, nobody is there to receive them.

I recommend this movie to anyone who wants to remember what it feels like to love, and to anyone who has lost that love. We should all merit one day to once again find this love and to keep it.

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